(MCT)Social networking makes teenagers of us all. Lots of my ridiculously successful friends some of whom appear regularly on television, give TED talks and are the kind of people who get harassed in restaurants by their fans (while my fans remain remarkably good-mannered and never, ever come over to introduce themselves or say a word) will still not permit themselves to have a Facebook account because the thought of people unfriending them is terrifying.
One of these women you would recognize her in a heartbeat briefly had a Facebook account. But then she started getting pop-up ads, maybe through email, that sneered, Three people have unfriended you. Find out more.
First of all, when did unfriend become a verb? Was it around the time parenting or scrapbooking, which was after partying but before vocalizing, which is now the word my students use instead of employing the word say as ordinary speakers of English might, umm, say.
Anyway, this friend of mine was plagued (good noun-to-verb usage) by the thought that three people didnt like her. She was awake at night at the thought of being dismissed from a vague network of people who she might never know. This, perhaps, could be the new definition of insane, dont you think? The idea that youre afraid people that you dont know might not like you? I mean, if you had somebody youd never met come up to you on the street, grab you by the collar shout Did you unfriend me? wouldnt your instinct be to call a cop?
Yet having the experience of people who dare to unfriend you is a nothing compared to the recent gang-shaming experience provided by Linked-In. They sent out messages congratulating folks for being at the top of their searches. A relative was the first to forward me one with self-effacing pride. He emailed me a note where the subject line read: Guess Im not too shabby after all. And in the body of the email was a notice that his name was in the top 5 percent of last years Linked-In searches.
Ill admit I was impressed. I wrote him back an effusive letter telling him that it was clear from this recognition that his hard work as a freelancer had finally paid off. I actually wrote the words, Thats some pretty exclusive club, the top 5 percent. He answered with blushing thanks and was clearly what the English would have called, chuffed.
Imagine my surprise, then, when two days later I got a notice saying that my name had come up in the top 10 percent of Linked-In searches. Ive never won a prize for self-effacement but even I was skeptical. I turned to Facebook to air my questions. Anybody else get into the top 10 percent? I asked.
Turns out that all of them, even those from Pluto and North Dakota, were at the top of LinkedIn searches. It was sort of like finding out that a cute boy had written, Youre the most adorable creature ever on everybodys yearbook page when all the time youd been secretly cherishing the idea that you, and you alone (or at least you among only the top 10 percent) were chosen only to discover that what you thought was a unique signature was pretty much a rubber stamp.
And this is what I mean about making you feel like youre back in high school.
Social networking sites from Facebook to Pinterest to StumbleUpon are very much like high school: As conducive as they are to the creation of community, they are simultaneously the cause of anxiety, bizarre competitions and weirdly contorted definitions of success.
Original post:
Column: Social networks like getting pimples again