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Sir Alex Ferguson finally accepts that his midfield requires rejuvenation, and scouts in Italy persuade him to break the transfer record for a teenager in order to bring Paul Pogba to Old Trafford.

February

Chris Robshaw, tired of that quizzical look from Owen Farrell, appoints himself England's goal-kicker for the Six Nations. Italy get on a roll, catching the French cold in Rome before putting away some plucky underdogs at Murrayfield.

The World Championship Ladies' Giant Slalom is suspended after the snow begins to melt as Anna Fenninger enters the starting hutch. All men under the age of 70 are removed from Schladming and the piste is quickly passed fit for racing.

March

In the middle of a game, substitute Mario Balotelli wanders on to the field, sits down in the centre circle and starts burning 50 notes, softly singing "hey non nonny, nonny, hey nonny".

April

On His Own wins the Grand National. (You might want rather bigger odds against some of these predictions but, in this instance, 20-1 is a very fair price.)

May

Chelsea go top after beating Manchester United 6-5 at Old Trafford. David Luiz, who has replaced Torres up front for the run-in, scores a hat-trick. Chelsea proceed to clinch the title on goal difference. Fans scorch giant letters on to the pitch: "Rafa: Chelsea legend."

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The Last Word: From Pogba's return to a blow-up Rory McIlroy: what cannot possibly happen in 2013...