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Dear Amy: My husband, although usually kind and good-willed, never follows through on his word. He will pump up an upcoming celebration with statements like, "It will be the best night of your life," or "You're going to love your birthday present," or even, "I'm going to put so much effort into this!"

When the big day arrives, there have been no plans, no gifts -- no thought. I'm usually pretty good at holding back excitement now or kindly reminding him not to say something unless he follows through, but it continues.

The worst was our wedding. I had explained to him the tradition of the bride and groom exchanging small gifts before the wedding, and reminded him of simple but thoughtful ideas for me (a book, a card, flowers).

The big day came, and I gave him a very thoughtful gift but received nothing in return. I later asked why he hadn't done anything when he knew I had something for him. His answer was simply, "Sorry, I guess I should have."

Am I being too petty, or is there a way to kindly tell him to be more realistic with his celebrations? -- Irked Wife

Dear Irked: I feel for your husband. His intentions are great but he hasn't mastered the art of managing expectations. Your wedding tradition was what you wanted. You raised the stakes there, and he responded with passive aggression or simple performance anxiety and paralysis. And then you let him know he failed you. On your wedding day.

I feel for you too. You're always having to modulate your expectations and then manage your disappointment (and correct him).

Your husband's gift to you is in the sheer grandiosity of his intentions. That's his gift. Accept this. Then look to the small things he does well, and appreciate these gestures as grand declarations of love.

Send questions via e-mail to askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.

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Ask Amy: Don't press husband on celebrations