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I'm only vaguely aware that I might be on Wikipedia. I looked years ago to see if people were still confusing me with the talented gay cartoonist Robert Kirby, whose syndicated openly gay comic "Curbside" ran in various publications for years.

Anyway, I Googled "Robert Kirby moron" today and found the third item on the list to be "Robert Kirby (humor columnist) Wikipedia."

The following is extracted entirely from Wikipedia. My comments are in brackets as in [#$%*@!]. I have no idea who wrote this for Wikipedia, but it wasn't me. Proof is that there are no curse words and everything seems to be spelled correctly.

"Robert Kirby (born 1953 in California) is an American writer [of sorts]. He is a longtime humorist for The Salt Lake Tribune, often focusing on quirks of Utah and Mormon culture [of which there is a never-ending supply. He has never suffered writer's block beyond the next Sunday].

"Kirby was born into a military family. After completing high school, he served as a missionary of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS Church) in Uruguay, where he learned to speak Spanish [and met his beautiful future wife, but was not sent home early]. Following his return, he pursued a career in law enforcement. His first work as a policeman was with the Grantsville Police Department and later the Springville Police Department (1979). While taking night classes at nearby Brigham Young University, Kirby began writing columns for the local newspapers, first the Springville Daily Herald, and later the Utah County Journal (writing under the pen name Officer [John] "Blitz" Kreeg)."

[Ironically, it was reader outrage prompted by the pseudonym "Blitz Kreeg," a World War II German Wehrmacht tactic of lightning warfare, that first gave me the idea of what came next. It also made me laugh.]

"In 1989, Kirby decided to leave police work and devote himself to full-time writing [and prude baiting]. He has written a column for The Salt Lake Tribune since 1994, and has written at least nine books.

"Kirby is a popular convention speaker, and travels widely to appear at conventions and meetings [but is rarely invited back].

"His newspaper columns have won several regional awards. Samples of his newspaper column humor are widely available online.

"Kirby, who is active [albeit lazy] in the LDS Church, often writes about its teachings and how its members interpret those teachings in their daily lives. Since most of The Salt Lake Tribune's readership is non-Mormon [not true], Kirby attempts to explain (usually in a humorous way) the Mormon way of thinking to outsiders. He refers to himself [not anymore] as an "OxyMormon." This approach either alienates those Latter-day Saints who feel their beliefs should not be satirized, or endears itself to the reader. Despite this discordant reception, Kirby has never faced church discipline and was once quoted favorably in the LDS Church's General Conference.

"Kirby presently (2009) [still] lives in Herriman, Utah. He and his [only] wife [have] three daughters [and nine superior grandchildren. There was a cat named Bob Valdez, but it died]."

OK, I'm back. If this Wikipedia entry seems a bit over the top or insufficiently thorough, please feel free to add to it. Or you can just follow up in the newspaper.

Robert Kirby can be reached at rkirby@sltrib.com or facebook.com/stillnotpatbagley.

More here:
Kirby: You can find me on Wikipedia, too, so go ahead and have at it - Salt Lake Tribune