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INDIANAPOLIS -

You're reconnecting with friends, but are you ruining your relationship?

Social networking is now one of the top causes for divorce. 500 million people log on and sign in every day. Friending, posting and sharing our lives online.

Scott and Emily Sutherland often tweet and check Facebook side by side by laptop in their living room. While they enjoy the interaction, they're also careful not to let social media sour their relationship.

"Hitting an unfriend button is a small price to pay when you're talking about protecting your family, protecting your marriage," Emily said.

But for some couples, connecting and reconnecting leads to a disconnect - and to a therapist's door.

"Probably about half the time, it gets brought up in relationship counseling," said marriage therapist Amy Harshman.

Some even call Facebook "a marriage killer," blamed for status changes in real life.

"I would say in almost every case, it comes up," said attorney Julie Andrews.

A recent study implicates Facebook in one out of three divorce cases in England. The social networking website was cited in one-of-five divorces in the United States. It's also the number one online source of divorce evidence, according to the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, posts and photos discovered on Facebook and used in court.

"There have been several cases that I've been involved in where they find out, lo and behold, their spouse has a dating profile," Andrews said.

Harshman doesn't believe social media is inherently bad. But she has seen already shaky relationships damaged because of it.

"I see a lot of couples coming in with affairs, or sometimes just emotional affairs that come in as a result of Facebook or Twitter or things like that," she said. "Sometimes, that can be more damaging than actually meeting with somebody in person."

She says it often starts with a simple friend request.

"The biggest thing I've seen is people reconnecting with people from their past. Innocently saying, 'Oh, this is somebody I went on a date with once when I was younger'," Harshman said. "But then you see it completely pull a marriage apart and that's really sad."

There are signs to look for that your spouse may be connecting the wrong way, namely, shutting down the conversation at home.

"They notice that, 'Hey, we're not talking' and a lot of times when that happens, it's because somebody might be talking to someone else," Harshman said. "Things to watch are, are they doing it in secret, when normally they'd be sitting on the couch right next to you on Facebook? Are they always logging out of their accounts, or are they, you know, putting their computer in a different room or always keeping their computer, their phone with them?"

So how can you protect your marriage from getting undermined by social media?

Experts say, strike a balance. Don't spend more time on Facebook than you are with your spouse and watch what you post. Don't air personal drama for all to see.

"Is what I'm writing on here hurtful to my spouse if they were to see this?" Harshman said.

Consider a joint Facebook account, or share passwords.

"If your spouse has a password, then you're probably not going to do things that you shouldn't on email or Facebook or any social networking," Harshman said.

Also, be careful when accepting friend requests.

"Maybe you get an innocent request from an old boyfriend. It might not be a good idea to accept that," Harshman said.

Finally, recognize when to put your online profile on hold.

"If you know that there are some problems in your relationship, a very good thing to do is maybe put social networking on the back burner for a little while," Harshman said.

The Sutherlands use strategies to keep social networking positive - friending each other's friends, talking about their profiles and keeping private family issues off of public posts.

"We've decided that we don't want our marriage to be destroyed. So we're going to protect that pretty strongly," Emily said.

And making sure their connection as a couple is the strongest.

Emily Sutherland blogs about social media and marriage

See the rest here:
Couples manage social media for healthier marriage