Mediaboss Marketing

Samantha Bee

We are now officially tits-deep in the Trump impeachment trial, said Full Frontals Samantha Bee on the second night of Trumps Senate trial. The only thing standing between us and justice is 53 Republican Senators and the reality that this entire process is doomed lets get hopeless!

At issue in the Senate trial on Wednesday was the admittance of new evidence; Republicans voted along party lines to reject the appearance of witnesses such as the former national security adviser John Bolton or Lev Parnas, a former associate of Rudy Giuliani in Ukraine. Which is a shame, Bee said, because Parnas brought receipts to the table huge receipts, like CVS-level receipts that are 30ft long and come with a coupon for store-brand hemorrhoid cream.

Parnass evidence includes a letter from Giuliani to the Ukrainian president, Volodymyr Zelenskiy, in which he says hes acting with the presidents knowledge and consent ironically, the presidents two least favorite things, joked Bee and texts exchanged with Ukraines then prosecutor general in which Parnas says hes prepared to [thrash] your opponent in exchange for firing the American ambassador to Ukraine.

Perhaps most damning is a note Parnas wrote on Ritz-Carlton stationery in which he explicitly stated his goal to get Zelenskiy to investigate Joe Biden. If that evidence were any more of a smoking gun, Don Jr would be holding it over a dead elephant, said Bee.

Republicans are setting themselves up for trouble by not hearing the evidence, Bee concluded. Look, guys, we know youre going to acquit Trump, but do you really think that will be the end? You think there wont be any more accomplices who snitch on Trump to protect themselves, or any more journalists who dig up proof of his guilt?

Even if Trump is re-elected, Bee concluded, this Ukraine story will haunt him until the blessed day when hes forcibly plunged out of the White House like a toilet clog.

Wednesday marked the first day of arguments in the Senate impeachment trial, and if Mitch McConnell has his way, this trial will go just like Donald Trumps dating career: quick and disappointing and no questions asked, said Stephen Colbert on The Late Show. Also, I would like $130,000 to forget I ever met him.

Representative Adam Schiff relayed the heart of the Houses impeachment case on the Senate floor, and it was gratifying to see someone take the constitutional responsibility of their office seriously, Colbert said. He laid out the case against the president clearly, passionately, cogently, and I believe courageously, because whether or not Trump is removed from office, history will not forgive those who look the other way at his abuses, or forget those who stepped into the breach at this moment of crisis.

Its thus no surprise, he continued, that the days No 1 trending topic on Twitter was Mr Peanut. The second was Gritty, the controversial Philadelphia Flyers mascot. Colbert reached a quick conclusion: Were doomed.

On party-line votes, Republicans rejected seeing records from the White House, evidence from the state department, documents from the Office of Management and Budget and defense department, and subpoenas for testimony by John Bolton and Mick Mulvaney. Which led Colbert to wonder: Why are you rejecting all information? Arent you the least bit curious about all the crazy shit Trump did? You dont even need to do anything about it, just vote to find out what it was!

Everybody wants to find out their bosss secrets. Take it from me you dont want to learn it from a Ronan Farrow article, Colbert said in reference to Farrows 2018 expose of alleged sexual harassment by the former CEO of CBS, Les Moonves.

And on the Daily Show, Trevor Noah paid particular attention to arguments made by Hakeem Jeffries, a Democratic congressman from New York, on Wednesday. We are here, sir, to follow the facts, apply the law, be guided by the constitution, and present the truth to the American people, Jeffries said, then responded to a question by Trump lawyer Jay Sekulow with lyrics from the Notorious BIGs song Juicy: That is why we are here, Mr Sekulow. And if you dont know, now you know.

The reference shows how far hip-hop has come, said Noah. Think about it in the 80s and 90s, it was considered gangster music, and now its being quoted in an impeachment trial.

Noah also analyzed the Republicans refusal to subpoena John Bolton for witness testimony, although he conceded that even if [Bolton] appears, theres a good chance that the senators wont hear what hes saying at all. Because based on yesterday, half of them are already checked out.

Several senators were spotted being, shall we say, unfocused at the trials second day: seven were seen with Apple watches, Senator Rand Paul did a crossword, and a sketch artist captured one senator from Idaho asleep in his chair. You know youve been sleeping for a long time when an artist has time to sketch your portrait, Noah said.

See original here:
Samantha Bee: 'The only thing between us and justice is 53 Republican senators' - The Guardian