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Republican Gov. Greg Abbott has been saying some certifiably zany stuff these days, from promising to eliminate rape in the Lone Star State to launching an all-out assault on gender-neutral childrens toys. But the real weirdness is brewing in the primary candidate pool, where a comedian, a fail son from a car dealership family and an accused war criminal are taking turns casting Abbott as a "Demonrat" in sheeps clothing.

Following the states abortion ban, many liberals threatened to flee Texas for good. Still, nothing would send them packing sooner than if an Abbott challenger were to move into the governors mansion. (It may sound like a long shot, but a recent poll by the Texas Politics Project found that only 41% of Texans approve of the governor's performance, the lowest number throughout his time in office.) Chad PratherComedian Chad Prather told Texas Scorecard that he has the solution to the states border crisis: detect, deter, detain, deport and defend. Ah yes, the alliterative five-D method will solve it all.

Likening border-crossers to an invasion, Prather said as governor, hed gladly give the mounted border agents a hand and be the first guy down there on horseback. (The cowboy didnt say whether hed be shirtless when mounting the stallion, but the Western revenge-fantasy does conjure images of another politician.)

When discussing the state's abortion ban, which doesn't include exemptions for rape, Prather told Texas Scorecard that the guilt of murder on top of the ignominy of rape does not help a woman. Perhaps most notable, though, was his sound, science-based understanding of biology during an attempt to poke holes in the pro-choice argument.

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[After conception], the DNA of a human being is immediately imprinted on that person; that DNA is there for the rest of their life, he said. If we were to discover that on Mars, we would spend tens of trillions of dollars trying to protect that life.

Don HuffinesHis family may have gotten you a deal on your Hyundai, but Don Huffines is applying his salesmanship to the governors race. Now, hes set on persuading Texans that Abbott is allied with the LGBTQ-loving left.

On Tuesday, The Texas Tribune reported that the states child welfare agency had deleted a page providing LGBTQ youth with resources. The move came after Huffines slammed the agency in a video posted to Twitter, accusing them of promoting transgender sexual policies to kids.

As governor, I will ensure this predatory grooming of Texas kids ends, he wrote. Any adult who pushes the perverted LGBTQ agenda on our children will be promptly removed from all positions within Texas government agencies. Allen WestAllen West, the former Florida congressman who also served as chair of the Republican Party of Texas, is known for making memorable copy. This year, he scorned a New York Times reporter for wearing a mask, telling her she could remove her face diaper during their interview. Hed also railed against vaccine mandates even after West, who is unvaccinated, was hospitalized for COVID-19.

On Saturday, Wests social media account tweeted that hed been taking the horse dewormer ivermectin, an antiparasitic drug that public health officials have begged people to refrain from eating. Hed also taken the antimalarial medication hydroxychloroquine. Medical experts say neither should be usedto treat coronavirus.

But on Tuesday, West issued a statement saying hed been released from the hospital. He also wrote that hed gone on a 2-mile jog that morning: Neither a high-speed motorcycle crash nor COVID-19 can keep an old soldier down.

He again took the opportunity to vow that hed crush anyone who forced vaccine mandates in Texas.

Our bodies are our last sanctuary of liberty and freedom, West wrote. I will defend that for everyone, even the progressive socialist jackasses who must be saved from themselves.

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Ahead of the 2022 Republican Primary, Texas' Gubernatorial Candidates are Saying Some Weird Stuff - Dallas Observer