Fauci Urges Americans to Use COVID as Excuse to Skip Thanksgiving with Horrible Relatives – The New Yorker

Category: Rand Paul

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)As an event dreaded by millions draws near, Dr. Anthony Fauci is urging all Americans to use COVID-19 as an excuse to skip Thanksgiving with horrible relatives.

Speaking from his office at the National Institutes of Health, Fauci said that the COVID-19 excuse could help prevent a seasonal surge in exasperation and seething rage associated with the Thanksgiving holiday.

COVID-19 could get you off the hook this year, Fauci said. Consider this a doctors note from me.

By using the pandemic as justification for skipping Thanksgiving, Americans can spare the feelings of relatives they despise, the esteemed virologist said.

Tell your aunt from West Virginia that youll miss her, but youll look forward to reading her QAnon theories on Facebook, he advised.

For his part, Fauci said that he intends to employ COVID-19 as an excuse to exempt himself from other unpleasant activities. I plan to use it to avoid seeing Rand Paul, he said.

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Fauci Urges Americans to Use COVID as Excuse to Skip Thanksgiving with Horrible Relatives - The New Yorker

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November 24th, 2021
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