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In this photo from 1976, Trump shows off plans for the future Grand Hyatt on East 42nd Street to a city official. Considering the era and the man, this is a remarkably tasteful, organic-looking hairstyle. Nevertheless, the hard-charging young developer appears to be studying the older mans pate-management techniques with an eye, as always, to the future.

By NY Daily News Archive via Getty Images.

The year is 1985. Trump, pictured with his first wife, Ivana, is now parting his hair from left to right, as he does to this day (to the extent that the complex superstructure that is Trumps hair can be said to have something as straightforward as a part). This is believed to be the last picture in which more than three-quarters of an inch of Trumps forehead was exposed to public view.

By Ron Galella/WireImage.

Mr. and first-Mrs. Trump at the 1988 U.S. Open. Note that Ivana has essentially the same hairstyle as Donald, the rightward sweep of her hair echoing her husbands, though Ivanas tresses are clearly attached to her forehead in a way that lends all the more mystery and intrigue to his.

By PL Gould/IMAGES/Getty Images.

Trump at a circa 1990 event with Clive Davis, Rod Stewart, and Rachel Hunter. That is not a lobotomy scar on the side of the billionaires head but rather a severe and deep part that suggests a problem area on the top and back of his scalp is being compensated for. Note that this party picture is composed as meticulously as an allegoric Renaissance painting, with Trump occupying the symbolic middle ground, in terms of possessing active follicles, between Davis and Stewart. To the right, Hunter represents hair in its unfallen, natural-ish state.

By L. Cohen/WireImage.

Trump and then-girlfriend Marla Maples sanctifying their love, like all devoted couples do, at a press event in 1991. Note that Trumps hairline is now nearly contiguous with his eyebrows. Is this evidence of the scalp reduction he allegedly underwent in 1989, according to divorce papers filed by Ivana and recounted in the 1993 biography Lost Tycoon: The Many Lives of Donald J. Trump?

By Ron Galella/WireImage.

Trumps 1993 wedding to Maples, the second Mrs. Trump. Strangely, the hair on the left side of the grooms head is a full half foot taller than on the right. This imbalance may be the result of the three or four inter-dimensional, gravity-warping vortexes clearly visible in the back of his head.

By The LIFE Picture Collection/Getty Images.

Trump bending over to share a tender moment with his son Eric in 1991. This inadvertent overhead view reveals that, claims to Swedish ancestry notwithstanding, Trump is in fact part unicorn.

By The LIFE Picture Collection/Getty Images.

Trump with the John F. Kennedy Jr. at a 1999 New York Knicks game. Observe how the businessmans hair breaks over his collar like a viscous, bird-killing oil slick. Why is J.F.K. Jr. the one wearing a hat?

By Keith Torrie/NY Daily News Archive via Getty Images.

Trump at an outdoor event in around 2000, after ordering his stylist to color his hair and eyebrows a then-chic shade known as Cigar-Stained-Teeth Blonde. Tellingly, the wind affects but a single quadrant of Trumps hair, as if the rest were bolted down like a storm cellar door.

By Budd Williams/NY Daily News Archive/Getty Images.

In this 2002 photograph, Trump has changed his hair color to Burnt-Cheetos Auburn. As well, the conventional hairsprays and salon products of years past appear to have given way to rubber cement and snot.

By Gary Friedman/Los Angeles Times via Getty Images.

Unlike her husband, the third Mrs. Trump, Melania Knauss, is comfortable enough in her femininity to show off her normal but comparatively high hairline in this 2002 photo.

By KMazur/WireImage.

Trump, shown here, in 2003, with Apprentice producer Mark Burnett, experiments with white roots and light filaments wrapped around the back of his head. Historians call this developers middle-aged club kid phase.

By Jim Spellman/WireImage.

Trump at the 2004 Emmys. At this point, were just fucking with your stomach. Had lunch yet?

By Jeff Kravitz/FilmMagic.

Trump with son Donald Trump Jr. at a 2006 press event where they appear to be performers in a horrifying tableau vivant of The Picture of Dorian Gray. Skillful lighting reveals the fathers signature side-and-back comb-over (and over)The Trump Crosshatchwhile the sons mane has been styled to look genuinely, biologically luxuriant.

By J. Kempin/FilmMagic.

Trump, at a 2013 red-carpet event for All-Star Celebrity Apprentice, in disguise as former U.S. representative Dick Gephardt, possibly to avoid good-writing scolds who consider All-Star Celebrity redundant, and fact checkers who might deem the claim debatable.

By Matthew Eisman/WireImage.

Trump at Trump Tower this past June, announcing his candidacy for president. Cannily, he appears to be courting the womens vote by having combed the hair on the left side of his head into the shape of a vagina.

Victor J. Blue/Bloomberg/Getty Images.

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Trump Is Now Accusing Obama of Wiretapping His Phones: This is Nixon/Watergate - Vanity Fair