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Two Thursdays ago, while Joe Biden and Donald Trump were heading back from the southern border, five spryer Presidential candidates were at a soundstage in Hells Kitchen, waiting to debate the real issues. The libertarian guys are in this greenroom, the socialists are across the hall in hair and makeup, and I believe Jill Stein is taking a nap in here, an employee of Free & Equal, the nonprofit producing the debate, said. We invited Cornel West and Bobby Kennedy, too, but they were holding out for a big-name moderator.

Larry King moderated a Free & Equal debate in 2012, but this time the duties fell to Caitlin Sinclair, of One America News Network; Christina Tobin, the founder of Free & Equal and a longtime activist against the two-party system; and Jason Palmer, an entrepreneur and a long-shot candidate himself. (Last week, somehow, Palmer beat Biden in the American Samoa caucuses, in which a total of ninety-one votes were cast.) Jill Steinthe Green Party candidate in 2012 and 2016, and the debates front-runnerwalked out of her greenroom, refreshed, wearing a pantsuit. We need to talk about crushing inequality, and militarism, and the decline of the American empire, she said in the hallway. The audience filed in: a few dozen of the candidates personal guests, plus a handful of diehard fans of multiparty democracy. The cameras were rolling; the event would be live-streamed on Rumble and broadcast later on C-SPAN. A singer named Marie Tatti warmed up nearby, preparing to sing the national anthem. The candidates arent even out yet, and apparently weve already got a heckler, she said.

The libertarian guys were indeed all guystwelve or so, in a greenroom, standing around a TV tuned to Wheel of Fortune. Two of them, Chase Oliver and Lars Mapstead, were candidates vying for the Libertarian Partys nomination; the others were former candidates, podcasters, entourage members, or all of the above. Lars and I were just in North Carolina debating each other, Oliver said. Tomorrow we fly to Indiana for a convention, then a debate in Pennsylvania, then another one in New Jersey. Libertarians love to debate, especially against each other. Oliver, who describes himself as armed and gay, wore a lapel pin inscribed with the Starfleet insignia. Yes, Im a Trekkie, he said. After being a libertarian, its the second most nerdy thing about me. Mapstead wore a lapel pin of his own design, bearing the words Unrig the System. Thats my message, he said. The systems rigged. Its the one thing everyone can agree on. In the 2016 election, Jill Stein got more votes in decisive swing states than the differential between the votes for Trump and Hillary Clinton; in the 2022 Georgia Senate race, Oliver got eighty-one thousand votes, forcing a runoff. They call us spoilers, he said, scoffing. Its the system thats spoiled.

The socialists were Claudia De la Cruz, of the Party for Socialism and Liberation, and Jasmine Sherman, of the Unicorn Party. Im also running for the Green Party nomination, even though everyone acts like shes got it in the bag, Sherman said, casting a withering glance in the direction of Steins greenroom. Im not here to be chummy with the other candidates. Im here to win.

The Trump and Biden and Clinton people, its all a game to them, De la Cruz said. They vacation together, they wage war together. Her campaign manager sat next to her, monitoring social media and eating gummy worms.

One day, son, all these skyscrapers that we built for no reason and lie empty will be yours.

Cartoon by Anjali Chandrashekar

Bernie didnt actually want to win, Sherman said. If he did, he wouldnt have run as a Democrat.

The Democratic Party is where all dreams and aspirations go to die, De la Cruz said. She wore a red dress and a matching kaffiyeh. Kanye tried to wear one of these, but he didnt know what he was doing, she said. A stagehand brought the candidates backstage, where they waited for their cue. Two fans, Frankie Lozada and Gabriel Cornejo, stood nearby, hoping to take selfies with the debaters. Were also candidates for President, Lozada said.

I want to get the basics out of the way, Sherman said, in the opening statements. Im fat, Im Black, and Im a socialist running for President of the United StatesI would recommend that you listen to the candidates that have a plan to put money in your pocket tomorrow. Stein stood center stage. Sherman and Oliver agreed that Cop City, a proposed police complex in Atlanta, should not be built; all five candidates agreed that Julian Assange and Edward Snowden were political prisoners; the only real disagreement was about regulating nuclear power plants. I have thirty-seven pieces of policy on my Web site to unrig the system, Mapstead said, in closing. Our republic is cracking, and it is unfunctional.

Sherman put on a face mask and walked offstage, glad-handing with audience members: Lovely to meet you. Im Jasmine Sherman, the next President of the United States. Jasmine like the flower, Sherman like the tank.

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Libertarians and Socialists and Jill SteinOh, My! - The New Yorker