Liberals – Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Liberals (also known as libtards and lieberals) are a group of outsiders and infidels. They are nosy, persistent, and ask lots of questions. What they especially question is the idea cherished by all real patriots that people in power seek noble ends based on superior knowledge. No one yet knows why liberals can't get that idea through their thick skulls.
Liberals may be comprised of, but are not limited to, the following groups: commies, union members, Medicare supporters, environmentalists, secular humanists, free-speech advocates, liberation theologians, non-Christians, people of color, feminists, hippies, recreational drug users, the working poor, gays, lesbians, the transgendered, welfare recipients, the general population, the middle class, youth, the elderly, Democrats, and anyone voting Democrat.
The proper way to discuss "Liberals" as a group (other than using profanity) is to say "Liberal" next to the word "elite". We all must do our part to thwart the Liberal elites, such as a panhandler or disabled person, just in case any of them ever get treated in a way that raises them above the level of a doormat. Otherwise, everyone would be banging on the door asking for their rights! It would be the 1960s all over again! Do you want that? I hope not! Our Liberal Overlords are a threat to hard-working people, and they must be stopped.
Dead people are a potential and untapped tour de force in the political process, benefiting both Liberal elites and Conservatives. One man, Mel Carnahan, won a senate race in Missouri against John Ashcroft, back in 2000 after crossing the floor to join The Majority. Dead people have also been allowed to vote as well, many placed on the Florida voter rolls when George W. Bush got elected. So, while they are silent, the dead are the real patriots running the country, voting and passing legislation. The Liberal elites, however, have so far successfully blocked all attempts at getting members of The Majority elected as president of the United States, or as governor of any of the 50 states of the Union. While some American Presidents have joined The Majority while in office, no president has been elected while a member of The Majority.
Liberal ideals are barely tolerated by the rest of us, who must all be on our guard and watch every move of those Liberal elites with the most intense suspiction.
Liberal elites operate from the premise that all democracies must be governed with the consent of the governed. Like most liberal ideals, the Silent Majority is left out, since the dead can do as they damn well please. So, we can toss out much of John Locke.
John Stuart Mill's love of free speech was tolerated only because he liked free markets. So, we can forgive him for the free-speech screw-up. We all make mistakes.
John Maynard Keynes showed his Liberal Elite Commie self when he defined capitalism as being made up of a band of thieves and prostitutes who steal and whore themselves for the good of us all. But that is fine, he continues, for in the long run, we all join The Majority. While we don't like what he says, he does show that as part of the life cycle of a human being, that later in our lives, we come around to our senses and join the Majority. Good on him for that, but he slanders capitalism in the process.
What the Liberal Elites don't realize is that the reason their votes don't matter is because their numbers are swamped by members of the Silent Majority. And, in some cases that allows one man to vote more than once. Let's take a look at the following scenario. Say that some guy goes into a polling station, and votes. As he leaves, he might drop dead, and then what? Current legislation says nothing about whether he can now vote as a member of The Majority. Future legislation is under way to allow dead people to return to the voting station to register their vote, even after they had just voted and dropped dead within the same voting period.
The Liberal elites, on the other hand, invoke policies and give discussions that are living-centric. While they often glorify their policies as "Socialist", this would appear Orwellian upon closer examination, since the Liberal elite view of "society" does not appear to include The Majority. Ultimately, this will only hurt themselves when The Majority say "Enough!", rise up against their Liberal overlords, and devour the brains of the latter, thus putting a fitting end to Liberal elitism and its anti-democratic policies.
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Liberals - Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
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