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Any time you have a new teammate theres the obligatory getting to know you phase. Its the sporting equivalent of a first date, and Sauce Gardner might have bitten off more than he bargained for when he decided to have a night on the town with Aaron Rodgers.

Hold up... SEVEN HOURS! Like, the number 7... followed by hours? For dinner? I dont spend seven hours having Thanksgiving with my family. I dont spend seven hours with my loved ones on Christmas, and theres present opening involved. Hell, seven hours is longer than it took for diners to eat the multi-course meal in The Menu, and they were all murdered by the end.

Being trapped in an enclosed space with Aaron Rodgers is a hell only Pat McAfee could endure. The only person who enjoys spending seven hours with Aaron Rodgers is Aaron Rodgers, and even then it can only be achieved in the dark.

So, we got our thinking caps on, went to the world of imagination, and wondered What the hell were some of the quotes from the Aaron Rodgers/Sauce Gardner seven hour meal?

So Sauce, do you think a hot dog is a sandwich? Because I have thoughts. MAS

Sauce, can I call you Sauce? Anyway, I think the aliens are coming for us and life on Earth is in danger.JPA

I brought all the audio from my favorite Joe Rogan episodes, if you wanna listen.JPA

The darkness retreat made me see things, man. Things I never want to see again.JPA

...and thats why Lord of the Flies will be the first book we use in our book club.JPA

... and that is how the story should have ended. With Dany on the Iron Throne. MAS

Can I call you Ketchup, ketchup is a sauce, right? Well let me catch you up on a few plot holes in all these movies that these sheeple just love: Indiana Jones does not impact the outcome of Raiders of the Lost Ark in any way. Lord of the Rings would have been over in a half hour if Gandalf, Legolas and Aragorn just rode with Frodo and Sam on the backs of the eagles and dropped the ring into Mount Doom. Should I keep going? -JKM

Ive been following your career for a long time Sauce. I saw your necklace. You know, the one thats sauce? Youd be surprised to know how many inflammatories are in hot sauce. You should replace it with this detoxifying jade elephant I had made for you. The jade symbolizes purity, and the elephant is actually an ancient alien that survived on our planet long before the Romans built the pyramids. JD

...no, I think pineapple definitely belongs on pizza. BB

Do you know that the Blue Pill in The Matrix was actually the Pfizer vaccine? JD

...The aristocrats! MAS

Ever notice how which and witch sound the same? Its because choice is magic and we are the warlocks. JD

Its called television programming because they are programming you when you watch it. Think about it!

Aaron: I know youre a big star, but I can introduce you to mega stars. Id love you to come and hang out with Jordan and I?Sauce: For real? You hang out with MJ?Aaron: No, Jordan Peterson. Trust me, hell expand your mind. JD

...see, thats why I believe that The Bloodline is the greatest story ever told in the WWE.JPA

**opens small oak box** Want some shrooms? JD

You know they say all men are created equal, Sauce, but you look at me and Zach Wilson and you see thats just not true. See normally when you play a game with a competent QB, you have a 50-50 chance of winning. But Im a multi-time MVP and Super Bowl champion, and Im not normal. So Zach has a 25% chance AT BEST, of beating me. Then you add Chris Streveler to the mix, Zachs chances of winning drastic go down. See in the 3 man QB competition Zach has a 33 13 percent chance of winning, but I got a 66 23 percent chance of winning, because Chris Streveler KNOWS he cant beat me, and hes not even gonna try. So, Sauce, Zach Wilson has a 33 13 % chance, but minus my 25% chance, and hes got an 8 13 % chance of winning the Jets QB job. But then you take my 75% chance of winning, if we was to go one on one, then add 66 23 percents, I got a 141 23 percent chance of winning the Jets QB job. See Sauce, the numbers dont lie, and the numbers spell disaster for Zach in camp. JPA

A lot of people dont know this, but I go on the Pat McAfee show because like the computer security program, McAfee is virus protection. Hes natural immunity. -JKM

*does this* BB

[rex ryan enters restaurant] BB

I dont fart anymore. Its true. Just doesnt happen. I turned my entire diet macrobiotic so everything just passes right through like a pressurized hose. If I ever need to pass gas Ive learned tantric farting, an inward fart. I have farts that have lasted for HOURS and you dont even smell them. Seriously, its just a pachouli breeze exiting a canyon. Ill teach you. JD

Sauce, youll love this story. So Im having a 1930s shindig in Malibu and EVERYONE is there. Karl Rove, Henry Kissinger, three of the Pussycat Dolls, a dude I met at Venice Beach who looks EXACTLY like Beavis. Anyway, were sitting there and Henry is completing a reading of Atlas Shrugged for us and then Kissinger starts crying. For real, no shit, just crying out of nowhere. Turns out hes mourning! So we wrap him up in a bear skin and give him a glass of Absinthe and he starts telling a story about the time he and Ayn Rand hunted, killed and ate a homeless person in New York in 1967. For real, just killed an ate another person. Im big on experiences, but a person Sauce? That seems too far. Then, Im sitting in the dark, and think to myself: Isnt it just the food chain though? The only thing different between us and the noble lion or sleek shark is not having a mane or fins. Why should I deprive myself of experiencing something in this life just because cannibalism is considered taboo? Every thought about eating another person? JD

When Mike McCarthy started running slant/flat over and over again, I realized that I was being fed things that were slanted and the world was actually flat. - JKM

If your family ever asks for a favor, IGNORE THE CALL JPA

And THAT was the moment I realized it wasnt Shailene Woodley in Elf, and boy was I beet red. JD

Sorry waiter, I have to consult my book of herbs my trainer wants me to eat before I make my order pulls out The Complete Book of Black Magic.JPA

Do you want to know what Miles Teller smells like? BB

... and that, my new friend, is why Karl Marx was the real Nazi. JD

When I was a kid, I saw a commercial that said, It's not easy being cheesy. I felt that in my soul... back when I thought a soul was real and not a commercialized understanding of your lifes essence brought out by crystals. -JKM

Did you know that Marios last name is Mario? So hes Mario Mario and his brother is Luigi Mario? Also, Tails real name, you know in Sonic is Miles Prower... like miles-per-hour. Get it? Because hes super fast! Also if you play the soundtrack of Duke Nukem backwards its just Duke Nukem reading the communist manifesto. JD

Everyone asks, wheres Waldo, but never, hows Waldo.JPA

I know where Carmen Sandiego and Waldo are at all times and I was the first human to know the Muffin Man. -JKM

Peach, youre so cool, and with my star were gonna rule. Peach, understand, Im gonna LOVE YOU TO THE VERY ENDDDDDDDD.JPA

Ted talks but does he ever listen? -JKM

Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Plagueis The Wise? BB

Sauce: Check please? MAS

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Excerpt from:
Aaron Rodgers and Sauce Gardners 7 hour dinner was a psychedelic meeting of the minds - SB Nation