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The Queen stands beside the memorial after its unveiling in Embankment Gardens. Photograph: Toby Melville/PA

The Queen paid tribute to the many thousands of UK military and civilians who served in Iraq, Afghanistan and the Gulf as a new memorial was unveiled on the banks of the Thames.

The prime minister, Duke of Edinburgh, Prince of Wales, Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, Prince Harry and senior figures from the cabinet attended a military drumhead service on Thursday alongside 2,500 invited guests on Horse Guards Parade in Whitehall, London.

They were joined by former prime ministers Tony Blair, David Cameron and Sir John Major before the unveiling of sculptor Paul Days 1m memorial in nearby Victoria Embankment Gardens in the shadow of the Ministry of Defence (MoD).

Commemorating the twin themes of duty and service and featuring two large stone monoliths supporting a bronze medallion, the memorial will stand as a permanent reminder not just to members of the armed forces, but also to all British citizens who worked in areas such as aid distribution, education, healthcare, infrastructure and governance.

It honours the 680 military who died in the regions a total of 456 during Operation Herrick, the MoD code name for the war in Afghanistan, 179 on Operation Telic, the deployment to Iraq in the US-led 2003 invasion, and 47 killed during the first Gulf war. There is a memorial to the lives lost at the National Memorial Arboretum in Staffordshire.

This new memorial bears no names and its design gives equal prominence to the military and civilians, with the double-sided medallion bearing images of doctors, schools, wells, and aid distribution.

Before the service some military widows criticised organisers for failing to inform them about the event or offer invites to all the bereaved families. The MoD, which said invitations had been handled by various charitable and support organisations, said at the eleventh hour arrangements would be made for any bereaved who wished to attend.

There were calls for May to apologise for what was described as a careless oversight. She had told parliament no one from the bereaved community had been turned away, adding that the MoD would make every effort to ensure relatives who wanted to attend were able to do so.

But widow Wendy Rayner, 45, whose husband Sgt Peter Rayner was killed in Afghanistan in 2010, said the offer was too little, too late, while Brenda Hale, 48, a former Democratic Unionist party MLA whose husband, Capt Mark Hale, died in Afghanistan in 2009, described the handling of the event as completely crass. Victoria Bateman, from Colchester in Essex, whose husband, L/Cpl James Bateman, was killed in Afghanistan in 2008, was attending having answered an email from the Army Widows Association but described the belated invitation to other bereaved families as a bit of a slap in the face.

In a foreword to the order of service, the Queen said: It is with pride that we honour the contribution of all those members of the armed forces and civilians who served our country at home and abroad while endeavouring to bring peace and stability to Iraq and Afghanistan. We shall be forever grateful to them for the part they played.

I am sure the new memorial will provide a fitting opportunity for all to reflect upon the events of that 25-year period, remembering the many examples of personal courage and achievement in adversity, and the great sacrifices that were made.

Paying tribute to the extraordinary courage and dedication of those who served, May said in a message: No matter how much time passes this memorial will stand, reminding all those who pass that their rights and freedoms do not come for free, but are paid for by the hard determination and sacrifice of others.

Prince Harry, an Afghanistan veteran, gave a Bible reading from the books of Ecclesiastes 3:1-8. Sgt Paul Stafford, 36, of the Royal Tank Regiment, who served three tours of Iraq and two of Afghanistan during which three members of his squadron were lost and many more injured, said the power of the memorial was that it honoured all, not only those killed in action.

Its the civilian organisations, the contractors sent to help, the Naafi staff who served us milkshakes when we came in, which was one of the best things in the world when you have been there a few weeks, said Stafford, who spent most of his time in Afghanistan away from the HQ Camp Bastion, living in the desert or empty buildings.

He said a nurse, a reservist attached to his unit, saved one of our guys. Its nice to remember that, and to honour those killed, or who suffered life-changing injuries for what they have done, and to know they have not been forgotten.

Tommy Roberts, 48, a Royal Marine commando who completed two tours of Afghanistan and one of Iraq, losing colleagues and friends in both conflicts, said the service of dedication was a time to reflect on those who made the ultimate sacrifice. If you focus, youve always got that snapshot picture. You can hear their laugh, and see their eyes, when it comes to times like this, he said.

Wendy Phillips, 57, a Department for International Development deputy head of office in Afghanistan who did three tours working with aid workers, said: Everyone who took part was a cog in a much bigger wheel; everyone had an important role to play and it is right that weve marked that down in history. In Afghanistan we knew it was going to be tough and we knew change would be incremental, but we are in it for the long haul and we are starting to see real reform in the country.

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Queen unveils Iraq and Afghanistan war memorial in London - The Guardian