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Following his conviction in Manhattan on all 34 felony counts, Donald Trump must have an interview with his New York City probation officer. Interviews are typically scheduled for 10 days after a conviction. That would be Monday, as the 10th day was Sunday.

Trump will likely navigate between the Scylla of wanting to stay out of jail and the Charybdis of performing for his base. He knows the officers pre-sentence report to the judge will get out. So heres an imagined way the conversation might go.

Mr. Trump, my name is [redacted for safety purposes]. Im your probation officer. My job is to ask you questions so I can provide the judge with information for your pre-sentence report.

Trump: I can leak it, right? Voters love candidates like me who dont give a . . . who hate authority. Thats why I lead in every poll in the universe.

By the way, the country wont stand for it if I get jail time. Some very good people will go over the edge.

: The purpose of the pre-sentence report is to describe you and your background so Justice Merchan can make a well-informed sentencing decision. Any questions?

Trump: Who did you vote for in the last election?

: I ask the questions. They fall into two categories. First, are you likely to be amenable to a probation officers supervision and to follow the rules and restrictions?

Trump: Rules? I follow every rule that helps me. The rules that dont will be disappearing before long.

: Second, I need to describe any mitigating or aggravating circumstances that would justify leniency or the opposite. So tell me your side of the story. Like: Please understand, these bad things have happened to me. Because of them, I am not responsible for my conviction, so you should recommend leniency.

Trump: Easy. I am wronged by everybody. For example, there are two standards of justice in this country, one for Biden and one for me. The FBI raided my beautiful Mar-a-Lago. What did they do with Bidens millions of stolen classified documents in his garage? They asked for permission. Pretty please, can we search?

Believe me, I have plans for the FBI.

: What can I tell Justice Merchan about your willingness to follow the rules of probation, like living a crime-free life, coming in regularly to see me, not using drugs, and avoiding public statements that cast aspersions on the judicial process?

Trump: Ive never committed a crime in my life. This trial was rigged, or I wouldnt have been convicted. I do no drugs other than Prevagen.

And you saw that I followed that illegal gag order 100% except for 10 times. And only once did I talk loud enough for the jury to hear me, when I said Juror No. is a Trump-hater. I was a model citizen, closing my eyes only to keep from seeing all those slime-balls like Michael Cohen who testified against me.

: OK, anything more about mitigating circumstances?

Trump: I have bone spurs. I can get you that letter my dad got his doctor to write in 68. I used it five times to get out of going to Vietnam.

How about this for mitigating? The fake media is against me. The New York liberals, and all 12 of them on the jury, were against me. (That includes the guy who lied and said he followed me on Truth Social.) The judge was against me. He only kept me out of jail because he knew how much money Id raise if he put me there.

And such stupid lawyers! They screwed up, thats the only reason Im here. Can you believe how long and hard they cross-examined Stormy Daniels, that fake actress-on-the-stand? All huffy and puffy on the witness stand about how she was surprised I wanted to have sex with her? I dont even know her.

My lawyers kept me from testifying. I would have won if I did. Then, they called that goofball, Robert Costello, just because I told them to. What kind of lawyer takes a clients advice? I was just testing them. They failed.

: One more question. Do you have family members who would support you in following the rules of probation?

Trump: Theyre loyal to me. You saw my smart son, Eric, sitting there every day of the trial. You saw Don Jr. there on the last day. My dumb lawyers said Wait until after the prosecution rests so they dont call him. Hed be a disaster.

Melania didnt come because she takes good care of that son of hers. But would you like to meet her? She looks great in a bathing suit.

Aftergut, a former federal prosecutor, is of counsel toLawyers Defending American Democracy.

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Donald Trump's probation interview New York Daily News - New York Daily News