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Wal-Mart v. Target.

Buttons v. elastic.

Pinot grigio v. Mountain Dew.

Culture wars.

We're hearing the term more and more to describe the political climate in this country; it's no longer Democrat v. Republican, liberals v. conservatives.

The gap is widening, not only along political ideologies, but culture itself.

As a country, we haven't all watched the same news for a while now; we don't drive the same cars, and half of us don't believe our bigger-than-a-parking-space SUV has any correlation to climate change because scientists and experts have an agenda (what that is, the rest of us still don't know).

Half of Republicans believe higher education is worthless, and consider the word "elite" dirty, even though they voted for a guy who literally has 24K gold wallpaper.

The state of our country has boiled down to this: PBS v. Duck Dynasty.

When Donald Trump tweeted that transgender people were now banned from serving in the military, the gap grew even wider, and if we're really talking culture, it's just a matter of time before restaurants tumble in and fall on top of news cable shows, bronze statues of Confederate heroes and freedom fries.

Therefore, I've done a bit of legwork so when the time comes, as in any day now, we know where we belong and can retreat immediately to those areas. We don't want to eat with you any more than you want to eat with us; may a stray fiber from a pussy hat never again touch a MAGA baseball cap back-to-back in adjoining booths.

It's time for some boundaries. Here you go.

THE RED ZONE

Fast Food (but not Arbys) Conservatives, waiting for your coal mining jobs to come back can make a man mighty hungry, so when its time to chow, feel free to head to any fast-food restaurant where you can get the most saturated fat for your money, with the exception of Arbys (I leave that one out for purely selfish reasons, as its my favorite). Feel free to toss that paper football of trash right out the window onto the highway because youre a goddamned American, thats why. I wont be there to see it.

Country Music More good news! Any food and drink establishment that plays country music is also your territory, as is the presence of sawdust on the floor. Is Natural Light on tap? Then youre in a Red zone, Trumpkin!

TV In the mood for something fancy? Any eatin establishment with a TV is now your territory, mainly because no restaurant televisions sets are tuned in to Masterpiece Theater or the News Hour.

Italian Food All Italian joints are on your list, too, because, well, most of their owners came from New Jersey, and voted for Christie (and still think hes doing a great job), but the most significant qualification was the Mooch. Sure, he only lasted in the Trump admin as long as it takes a mosquito bite to itch, but the penance needs to be paid. Its going to take more than a couple Hail Marys to cancel that sin out.

Bargain Pizza As far as pizza goes, if you have to cook it once you get home or get two large pies, a bag of bread and some pizza dough with chocolate syrup on it for dessert for under $12, place that call now.

Guns and Chains You also get every establishment that gleefully permits guns, has pictures of their food on their menu for easy deciding for those who have trouble with letters, and any grub hole that has more than two locations. That means Sizzler! SIZZLER! You get SIZZLER! I know, buried the lede, but I saved the best for last.

THE BLUE ZONE

Gay Waiters Now for liberals: All right, so you have relinquished spaghetti and meatballs, but guess what you get in return? Gay waiters! Thats right, any restaurant that has the best wait staff is now your home, because if the conservatives put their hush puppies where their mouth is, both of the ends of the rainbow can be found in Blue Land.

All Ethnic Food (Except Italian) Thats not all, folks! The in the liberal corner is all ethnic food except Italian. We even get German because of Angela Merckel! All Mexican is ours, and that includes every taco shop, bertos incarnation and mom and pop place. (Even the chains. I just rewrote that rule.) Let Trump build that Mexican wall, and watch as the liberals eat it away. Chinese. Japanese. Indian. Middle Eastern. Thai. Anyone that conservatives want to ban from this country is one more spice in the collection.

Organic If a restaurant uses even one organic ingredient, the liberals get it, as well as anything that serves chow and is on wheels, so give us all the food trucks.

Gourmet Pizza As far as pizza goes for this side: If there is fresh basil, homemade mozzarella and dough that isnt delivered in frozen little balls as tight and cold as Steve Bannons heart, its progressive. They prefer things to rise instead of thaw.

So, Im sorry, liberals, this guide probably rules out most fried food and places that serve you a loaf of bread as a free appetizer. But we all have to make sacrifices for the cause, whichever cause it may be.

And this doesnt mean you cant patronize the other side, but know it comes with risks.

For every visit to Cracker Barrel, liberals should expect a heaping helping of Prosecute Hillary talk while people buy snacks in the waiting area in order to survive until they get a table. To satisfy every craving for a chimichanga, conservatives must realize that there possibly an undocumented worker nearby, plotting to take their jobs.

Now go to your corners and eat.

Originally posted here:
Keep Your Crappy Pizza: Dividing the Spoils of the Culinary Culture Wars - Phoenix New Times

The Telegraph

Sharpton takes on Trump, fellow blacks at Macon church The Telegraph Inequality, President Donald Trump, religion and Martin Luther King Jr. were among topics of a speech delivered by Rev. Al Sharpton at a Macon church Thursday evening. The civil rights activist spoke before a crowd of about 250, reminding them of what ... Rev. Al Sharpton speaks at Macon church | 13wmaz.com13WMAZ all 2 news articles »

See the original post:
Sharpton takes on Trump, fellow blacks at Macon church - The Telegraph

WEST HAVEN >> Crammed into a University of New Haven-owned residence at 196 Rockdale Road, 36 high school students from across the country put their newly learned forensic skills to the test, trying to figure out what happened at various mock crime scenes.

Crime Scene Investigation Academy is a week-long program that gives high school students the chance to gain hands-on experience in the field of criminal justice and forensic science. The campers spent four days learning about fingerprinting, blood spatter analysis, and crime scene investigation as a whole, and Friday they got a chance to apply the skills.

We kind of walk them through the whole process of what it takes to process a crime scene. Both from the legal standpoint and the practical, and then we culminate it ... with this big [practicum], said Peter Massey, director of CSI Academy.

The capstone experience is extremely involved as the students not only had to document and photograph the crime scene, but they also needed to get search warrants, send evidence to the lab for testing and canvass the neighborhood for potential witnesses.

Ellen Lassig, 17, of East Hanover, New Jersey, said she has been to other forensic-oriented camps, but they were larger and not as detailed and experienced. She said everyone participating at UNH gets the opportunity to do something.

Massey said there is no real answer to these scenes and that it is more a matter of process. He said what they are really looking for is ... can [the students] utilize the skill sets theyve gained during the week in this final product ... and present it in a public forum?

Bianca Randazzo, 16, of Norwalk, said while she learned how to determine the cause and manner of death as well as how to act at a crime scene, she also learned the how difficult the entire process can be.

You just think, Oh thats so easy, but then you come here and you have to figure out a whole scenario and you have no information. You just try to figure out by what you have, she said.

Massey said while forensic science and crime scene investigation may seem glamorous on television shows, the work can be pretty toiling in the real world, citing the long hours and unpredictable weather as examples.

The idea is to give the students a real-life look at how this works. They all watch the shows on television, and theyre learning its not like it is on television, Co-Director Daniel Maxwell added.

Some of the campers have graduated high school and going to college while others still are in high school. Maxwell said most of the students want to pursue careers in law enforcement, forensic psychology or forensic anthropology, and CSI Academy allows them to gain hands-on experience to see whether this is what they really want to do.

I didnt have opportunities like this in high school, but I think its a really good way for them to experience stuff like this, added Jennifer Busk, 23, a graduate student at UNH studying forensic science. I took a class that we do exactly stuff like this at UNH, but doing it as a high schooler gives you the opportunity to say, Hey, is this really what I want to do? and maybe even spark that interest and excite them.

Aaron Ostroff, 17, of South Brunswick, New Jersey, said his forensic science class last year was not as in-depth as CSI Academy. He said this camp offers him the opportunity to work on a real case as opposed to fake and silly cases he did in school.

This is the whole deal. This is not a summer camp; this is reality here, Maxwell said.

See the original post:
CSI West Haven: Students attend forensic science camp at University of New Haven - Litchfield County Times

Conservative commentator Ann Coulter on Wednesday lavished praise onWhite House adviser Stephen Miller during his appearance at the White House press briefing, calling it "the best moment of the Trump presidency since the inauguration."

Coulter, a longtime fan of Miller, said we need to clone Stephen Miller and appoint him to every cabinet position in a string of tweets.

The great Stephen Miller speaking at White House press conference right now. MUST SEE!!!!!! Coulter first tweeted, going on to say that Miller was eating presss lunch and Experts say many people voted for Trump because they want Stephen Miller running the country.

Millers rare appearance at the podium was filled with heated exchanges with reporters about President Trumps proposals to reduce the level of legal immigration. Miller toldThe New York Timess Glenn Thrush that his newspaper shouldhire low-skilled immigrants and accused CNNs Jim Acosta of a "cosmopolitan bias."

Miller also minimized the importance of the poem inscribed on the base of the Statue of Liberty welcoming immigrants, which he said was added after the statue was installed.

Idiot reporter cites poem later added to Statue of Liberty as of [sic] it's a founding document, binding US government officials, Coulter tweeted about the exchange between Miller and Acosta.

The great Stephen Miller speaking at White House press conference right now. MUST SEE!!!!!!

We need to clone Stephen Miller and appoint him to every cabinet position.

Stephen Miller eating press's lunch. MUST SEE! Long faces in the press room.

Experts say many people voted for Trump because they want Stephen Miller running the country.

This press conference would be a great opportunity to announce Kris Kobach as new homeland secretary!

This press conference is the best moment of the Trump presidency since the inauguration.

Idiot reporter cites poem later added to Statue of Liberty as of it's a founding document, binding US government officials.

I wonder if it would help if all Trump spokesmen were as smart as Stephen Miller.

See the original post here:
Ann Coulter: 'We need to clone Stephen Miller and appoint him to every cabinet position' - The Hill (blog)

In 1994, after 40 years in the wilderness, Republicans swept both houses of Congress, running on Newt Gingrichs Contract With America, in which the GOP promised to hold votes on 10 popular policies in the first 100 days. They won, fulfilled the contract, and went on to control the House for more than a decade.

More recently, the country gave the GOP the House in 2010, the Senate in 2014 and the presidency in 2016. But were not seeing any difference. The GOP has become a ratchet, never reversing Democratic victories, but only confirming them with teeny-tiny alterations.

Its time for the voters to issue a Contract With Republicans. Unless our elected representatives can complete these basic, simple tasks, were out. There will be no reason to care about the GOP, anymore.

Whether these objectives are accomplished by President Trump or a rhesus monkey, the Democrats, the Bull Moose Party or the U.S. Pirate Party it will make no difference to us. We just need somebody to fulfill this contract in order to get our vote.

Here are our first three contract terms.

People said the chant, Build the wall! was mere shorthand for a whole slew of immigration policies, unified by the single idea of putting Americans interests if not first, then at least above the interests of complete strangers to whom we owe absolutely nothing. It was called a term of art, meaning we want to stop sacrificing the welfare of our nation on the altar of liberal idiocy.

Build the wall was said to entail: a Muslim ban, deporting illegals, ending unconstitutional sanctuary cities, ending Obamas unconstitutional executive amnesty, a dead-stop to the refugee scam and a massive reduction in legal immigration.

Yes, it means all that. But it also means: Build the wall.

If this is done only for reasons of conservative ideology, in recognition of the fact that the United States is a sovereign nation, entitled to protect its homeland, thats fine with me.

But I note in passing that, if I were a progressive constantly virtue-signaling on transgenders and refugees, and occasionally pretending to care about African-Americans, the very last thing Id want to see is the continuing dump of low-wage workers on the country, undermining black fathers ability to earn a living, to stay married and to pass down savings and a work ethic to their children.

The great civil rights hero Barbara Jordan understood that. The fact that our current low-rent liberals are unable to rise to her level is all the proof we need of their uselessness.

Moreover, in the future, we will once again have presidents with a taste for fascist executive orders, purporting to grant amnesty to illegal aliens. We will continue to have bought-and-paid-for legislators, pushing cheap labor in return for campaign donations. In the blink of an eye, they can undo every part of Trumps America First agenda on immigration, just as Obama undid our victory in Iraq.

A wall is the only part of Trumps immigration reforms that will not be instantly reversed by the next Barack Obama or George Bush. Allowing border patrol agents to do their jobs is a policy that lasts only as long as Trump is president. A wall is forever.

Republicans need to stop having their victories written in wet sand. During the campaign, Trump vowed to impose a Muslim ban if elected; both political parties hysterically denounced him; he won the election; issued a highly modified, temporary travel restriction from a handful of majority Muslim countries; and ... a handful of carefully selected federal court judges announced that, during the Trump administration, they would be implementing immigration policy.

Thats why President Trump must appoint, and the Senate confirm, brilliant conservative judges, preferably in their 30s and with good EKGs, so that they can keep issuing opinions well into their 90s.

As long as they are sufficiently vetted to ensure were getting no David Souters or Harriet Miers vettings even MORE exhaustive than the alleged rectal probes given to the San Bernardino terrorists before admitting them to commit mass murder Supreme Court justices can have nearly the same permanence as the wall.

3) STOP WASTING MONEY AND PRECIOUS LIVES ON POINTLESS WARS

The left is way ahead of us on this one, already hard at work turning the greatest military in the world into taxpayer-funded adventures in lesbianism and transgenderism. (Sorry, taxpayers! We gave your Social Security to mental-case penis-choppers.)

Every recent war has been counterproductive at best. At worst, they have been meat-grinders for our bravest young men. Imagine that some small portion of the trillions of dollars poured into the endless and ongoing! war in Afghanistan had been used to build a 100,000-seat soccer stadium in Baghdad. And then imagine that we built 100 more just like it, right next to one another.

If we had taken a satellite photo of all those stadiums filled to capacity, the caption would be: Not one American life is worth all the lives pictured here.

Thats not anti-Arab. Im sure they would feel exactly the same. I would respond, Yes, of course, youre right to feel that way.

If were ever attacked, we should be prepared to unload our full arsenal. But its not our job to create functioning democracies in primitive rape-based societies around the globe.

Apart from an attack on U.S. soil by a foreign country, we are going to live our lives, go to work, celebrate the Fourth of July, and never bother learning the difference in Sunni and Shia Arabs. Once a decade, when we fleetingly remember Yemen or Saudi Arabia, we will hope theyre doing well, then get back to our lives surrounded by a wall and living in a constitutional democracy, where our greatest young men arent continually sacrificed in pointless wars.

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Ann Coulter: Contract with Republicans | Columnists | elkodaily.com - Elko Daily Free Press