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Following his conviction in Manhattan on all 34 felony counts, Donald Trump must have an interview with his New York City probation officer. Interviews are typically scheduled for 10 days after a conviction. That would be Monday, as the 10th day was Sunday.

Trump will likely navigate between the Scylla of wanting to stay out of jail and the Charybdis of performing for his base. He knows the officers pre-sentence report to the judge will get out. So heres an imagined way the conversation might go.

Mr. Trump, my name is [redacted for safety purposes]. Im your probation officer. My job is to ask you questions so I can provide the judge with information for your pre-sentence report.

Trump: I can leak it, right? Voters love candidates like me who dont give a . . . who hate authority. Thats why I lead in every poll in the universe.

By the way, the country wont stand for it if I get jail time. Some very good people will go over the edge.

: The purpose of the pre-sentence report is to describe you and your background so Justice Merchan can make a well-informed sentencing decision. Any questions?

Trump: Who did you vote for in the last election?

: I ask the questions. They fall into two categories. First, are you likely to be amenable to a probation officers supervision and to follow the rules and restrictions?

Trump: Rules? I follow every rule that helps me. The rules that dont will be disappearing before long.

: Second, I need to describe any mitigating or aggravating circumstances that would justify leniency or the opposite. So tell me your side of the story. Like: Please understand, these bad things have happened to me. Because of them, I am not responsible for my conviction, so you should recommend leniency.

Trump: Easy. I am wronged by everybody. For example, there are two standards of justice in this country, one for Biden and one for me. The FBI raided my beautiful Mar-a-Lago. What did they do with Bidens millions of stolen classified documents in his garage? They asked for permission. Pretty please, can we search?

Believe me, I have plans for the FBI.

: What can I tell Justice Merchan about your willingness to follow the rules of probation, like living a crime-free life, coming in regularly to see me, not using drugs, and avoiding public statements that cast aspersions on the judicial process?

Trump: Ive never committed a crime in my life. This trial was rigged, or I wouldnt have been convicted. I do no drugs other than Prevagen.

And you saw that I followed that illegal gag order 100% except for 10 times. And only once did I talk loud enough for the jury to hear me, when I said Juror No. is a Trump-hater. I was a model citizen, closing my eyes only to keep from seeing all those slime-balls like Michael Cohen who testified against me.

: OK, anything more about mitigating circumstances?

Trump: I have bone spurs. I can get you that letter my dad got his doctor to write in 68. I used it five times to get out of going to Vietnam.

How about this for mitigating? The fake media is against me. The New York liberals, and all 12 of them on the jury, were against me. (That includes the guy who lied and said he followed me on Truth Social.) The judge was against me. He only kept me out of jail because he knew how much money Id raise if he put me there.

And such stupid lawyers! They screwed up, thats the only reason Im here. Can you believe how long and hard they cross-examined Stormy Daniels, that fake actress-on-the-stand? All huffy and puffy on the witness stand about how she was surprised I wanted to have sex with her? I dont even know her.

My lawyers kept me from testifying. I would have won if I did. Then, they called that goofball, Robert Costello, just because I told them to. What kind of lawyer takes a clients advice? I was just testing them. They failed.

: One more question. Do you have family members who would support you in following the rules of probation?

Trump: Theyre loyal to me. You saw my smart son, Eric, sitting there every day of the trial. You saw Don Jr. there on the last day. My dumb lawyers said Wait until after the prosecution rests so they dont call him. Hed be a disaster.

Melania didnt come because she takes good care of that son of hers. But would you like to meet her? She looks great in a bathing suit.

Aftergut, a former federal prosecutor, is of counsel toLawyers Defending American Democracy.

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Donald Trump's probation interview New York Daily News - New York Daily News

As a journalist, I dont publicly confirm my voting history for reasons of professional ethics even though a lot of people on X assume they know when they call me a leftist and a commie.

I will, however, confirm that my decision as a Black woman will not be determined by any candidates sudden status as a convicted felon. In fact, Im more likely not to vote for that person. I am not a felon, nor are most of the people I know.

So, nah.

I bring this up, of course, because of the maddening theory eagerly pitched by members of former President Donald Trumps reelection campaign that his recent 34-count guilty verdict in New York makes him uniquely relatable to the African American community because of our historic failure to receive equal justice in court. Axios Sophia Cai recently considered all the arguments and eventually seemed to agree that theres little evidence that Trumps I-am-a-victim-just-like-you argument is swaying many Black voters.

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To even pose this as not just a possibility but a campaign strategy is deeply condescending, dehumanizing and cynically, diabolically racist.

To be clear: the situations are not remotely the same. We are comparing the prosecution of a very rich and famous white man who has been dodging criminal and civil complaints since the 1970s to a population that, in Manhattan alone, is convicted of both misdemeanors and felonies at a staggering rate 21 times greater than white defendants over the last two decades, according to the New York Civil Liberties Union.

Yes, there are some Black celebrities and random Internet people publicly pledging support to Trump because of his alleged swagger, and probably because it gets them headlines and clicks.

Fine. I dont speak for the entire Black community; we are not a monolith. I have even long joked that I am one of two Black women born to my parents on my birthday and even my twin and I dont always share opinions on everything.

But I am comfortable in saying that all the people of African descent that I know and I know a good bit have never listed has to be a felon on their must-haves for a presidential candidate. Particularly not one with a history of racial housing discrimination, reported prejudices, alleged utterances of the N-word on the set of NBCs The Apprentice, as well as general racial callousness, like calling for the death penalty for Black and brown kids later exonerated for a violent rape in Central Park.

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I am sure there are Black people who are voting for Trump for different reasons, but I dont see relatable feloniousness as a main draw. This is not to say I dont know and love some formerly incarcerated folks, because I do. But its foul suggesting that criminality is a foundational situation in my community that would make me go, Hey, Id never consider that guy, but he might be going to jail! Were the same!

This stupidly insulting narrative has been alive since last August, when Trumps mugshot hit the Internet. Fox News Raymond Arroyo said on-air that a Black lady (notice the people in these stories never have names) told him the photo gave the former president cred in front of a new bloc of voters.

UGH. This is most terrible because its not based on shared miscarriages of justice, but because its cool to get arrested.

Arroyo also faced well-deserved controversy for crowing about Trumps alleged cultural mastery in the release of his gold Ronald McDonald-looking sneakers, which former Republican National Convention chairman Michael Steele called a big miss and ugly as hell on his MSNBC show.

But to Arroyo, those cartoonish kicks were an obvious connection between the former president and Black Americans. They love sneakers, certainly in the inner city, Arroyo said, thus reaching them on a level that defies politics. The culture always trumps politics. He added that anyone who buys $400 sneakers will absolutely vote for the person whose name is on them because it shows affection.

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Im not sure which heinous BS theory to address first.

Is it the simultaneously presumptive and dismissive use of they to describe an entire community as if theyre a separate species being observed from spaceships above their planet like in Avatar? Or is it the incredibly racist declaration that Black people are stupid enough to vote for someone whose political and personal stances have often been antithetical to us because they like his shoes? Rights? Who needs em! Gimme them spaceman rave shoes!

I have spent hundreds of dollars in the last decade on Michael Jordan sweatshirts and sneakers (mostly secondhand) for my son, which does not mean I would vote for the basketball legend should he ever run for office. It just means my kid likes his sneakers.

Who you vote for matters. I am very concerned about this country and the upcoming elections in November. I hope that as many people as possible exercise their rights to effect change. And I hope to God their choice is not based on being impressed that somebody is a felon. That would be stupid, right?

Right?

Leslie Gray Streeter is a columnist excited about telling Baltimore stories about us and the things that we care about, that touch us, that tickle us and that make us tick, from parenting to pop culture to the perfect crab cake. She is especially psyched about discussions that we don't usually have. Open mind and a sense of humor required.

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I'm Black, and being a felon or putting your name on sneakers isn't getting my vote - The Baltimore Banner

In 2009, Donald Trump fired Rod Blagojevich, the former governor of Illinois, from The Celebrity Apprentice. Your Harry Potter facts were not accurate, Trump told Blagojevich, who was under indictment at the time, for trying to sell President-elect Barack Obamas vacated Senate seat the previous year. Blagojevich was found guilty, and in 2012 he began a fourteen-year prison sentence, which Trump commuted eight years later. Seemed like a very nice person, Trump said after the commutation, calling Blagojevichs punishment a tremendously powerful ridiculous sentence in my opinion. Blagojevich emerged from prison a self-described Trumpocrat.

Id have just been coming home a couple weeks ago had President Trump not, you know, shortened it, Blagojevich said recently. I keep having this dream where Im still in prison, he went on. Probably because Im writing this book. Since last August, Blagojevich has been at work on a memoir about his time in the clink, with Gangster Disciples... Sinaloa drug-cartel leaders... murderers, bank robbers, sex offenders, and Enrons Jeffrey Skilling. I went from Obama, Clinton, congressmen, senators, and lawmakers to Smelly and Socks and Sharky and Mr. B., he added. They all have nicknames. His was Gov. The former governor does not enjoy writing but said that he hopes that his prison memoir will be helpful to folks facing hard times. Trump, who is now facing up to four years in prison for thirty-four felony counts of falsifying business records, might want to skim the CliffsNotes.

To begin with, Blagojevich points out, a long sentence, while otherwise undesirable, can be used to your advantage. The fourteen-year sentence made guys think, The Govs a badass, he didnt snitch on anybody, he said. In that world, the snitches, to quote them, are bitches who deserve stitches.

Blagojevich suggests getting in the shape of your life. He figures that he ran probably ten thousand miles, if not longer, during his eight years inside, along with probably twenty thousand pushups. He went on, You walk around the track, you do pushups. It helps deal with the bitterness and anger and sense of disillusionment. He added, Im as fit as a fiddle, in stark contrast to the current governor of Illinois.

I know its the championship game, but Id rather watch a movie with a dog in it.

Cartoon by Frank Cotham

A hobby is also helpful. My band was G-Rod and the Jailhouse Rockers, he said. I did an Elvis medley, which started out with all of Dont Be Cruel, two verses of Thats All Right, two verses of All Shook Up, and all five verses of Jailhouse Rock. He continued, Music was so helpful to me because it was therapeutic. If you practice it, you get better at it. Your range increases a little bit. Your voice kind of expands. Then you can work on what Frank Sinatra was big onphrasing. Before I knew it, the day was over.

Rather than watch TV or movies, Blago recommends books. I read the Bible every day, he recalled. He devoured Viktor Frankls Mans Search for Meaning three times. Its very short, and it has a lot of profound things in it, he explained. One lesson that he drew: If I can come out of here stronger and smarter, its a fuck you to those motherfuckers who did it to me.He also read Shakespeare. Henry V a few times. Henry IV, Parts 1 and 2. Richard II. Richard III. Hamlet, of course. King Lear. Henry VI. He cleared his throat and recited, The first thing we do, lets kill all the lawyers.

Watch what you eat at the chow hall, he warns. Some guys do crazy things to some of the food, he said. One time, a guy urinated in the pot of oatmeal because he was pissed offno pun intended. Black-market restaurateurs on your cellblock are a good alternative: Once in a while, Id say to myself, Im gonna go off for a longer runten milesand then Im gonna treat myself to one of Osos tacos. You could see he liked his own food. So once in a while Id have itonions, tomatoes, peppers, chicken, cheese, all smuggled from the kitchen.

Finally, Blagojevich advises identifying any supporters. There was a cop that wanted to make an example of me, so he gave me the worst job, he recalled. Washing pots and pans at five oclock in the morning. I got rescued from that because his superior was from Chicagos South Side and his mother still lived there and she liked me. So he put me in the kitchen warehouse, a highly coveted job. Conspiracy theories soon spread among his fellow-inmates. I was supposedly getting special treatment because Obama had called the warden, Blago said. Im telling you, he didnt make the call.

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Rod Blagojevich's Tips for Prison Survival, Just in Time for Trump - The New Yorker

Doug Burgum, the Republican governor of North Dakota, has emerged as a key adviser on energy issues in Donald J. Trumps campaign to retake the White House, acting as a liaison between Mr. Trump and the oil billionaires whom the former president has encouraged to fund his presidential bid.

Along the way, Governor Burgum has articulated a sophisticated policy approach that can at times seem environmentally conscious, but in fact is designed to benefit oil, gas and coal, the fossil fuels that are driving climate change.

Its a tale of two Dougs, said Dustin Gawrylow, a conservative political commentator in North Dakota.

Mr. Burgum set a goal in 2021 that North Dakota would stop adding carbon dioxide to the atmosphere by 2030, becoming carbon neutral. Carbon dioxide from burning oil, gas and coal is a major driver of global warming.

What other state is doing carbon neutral by 2030? said Heather Reams, the president of Citizens for Responsible Energy Solutions, a group that tries to engage Republicans on climate policy.

I was very impressed by the level of detail that he had, said Ms. Reams, who recalled speaking to Governor Burgum about his carbon neutrality plan at a Republican Governors Association meeting. Not like he gave me a couple of talking points and walked away. He talked about how this was about economic prosperity, national security, energy independence.

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Trump's Energy Guy Talked a Green Game but Now Sells Big Oil Priorities - The New York Times

Former President Donald Trump's teleprompter apparently broke down at a Las Vegas rally on Sunday, giving the former president free rein to meander into a debate over whether it would be worse to electrocuted or bit by a shark, a rant apparently meant as an indictment of electric vehicles.

I say, what would happen if the boat sank from its weight, and you have this tremendously powerful battery, and the battery is now underwater and theres a shark thats approximately 10 yards over there, Trump said. After referencing shark attacks that injured three people in Alabama, including two teenagers, he concluded that he personally would "take electrocution every single time. Im not getting near the shark."

Although the shark attacks added new flavor, Trump's story about the supposed dangers of battery-powered boats is recycled from a speech in Iowa last year. Both there and in Las Vegas, Trump used the prospect of sinking in an electric boat to attack President Joe Biden.

"He wants to have all electric cars, everything has to be electric, and by 2030 ... that's in six years from now, and you know what, electric cars are fine, they have a problem, they don't go far, they cost a lot to buy, and they're made in China, other than that I think they're wonderful, right?" he said, contradicting U.S. carmakers who say that government support is precisely what they need to remain in a competitive global market (under the Biden administration, electric cars with major Chinese components are ineligible for tax credits).

It also turns out that people have been on boats that use electricity for a very long time. In the 21st century, nearly all boats that are not powered by oar have some electric component to them, whether to operate the main engine, lights system, radio, or motor, and the makers of those boats have considered Trump's grisly scenario and used safety standards before he ever raised the subject.

Electric-powered boats do not pose a unique threat of electrocution, but if they did, Trump is betting that electrocution might be a quicker way out than death by shark bite. Stormy Daniels, the adult-film actress at the center of his hush money conviction, once recalled his fear and hatred of the seaborne predators. Terrified of sharks," she said. "He was like, I donate to all these charities and I would never donate to any charity that helps sharks. I hope all the sharks die.

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Trump rants about sharks and death by electrocution after his teleprompter goes out in Las Vegas - Salon