The Man Movie Encyclopedia: 4 Instances Of Terrible TV Censorship – 411mania.com
Greetings, all.
Before the main event, lets hit the mailbox
bob_a_booey Uh oh. Looks like somebody got triggered by my comment in reply to the other now deleted comments that the dam level isnt that hard. It isnt. The myth comes from people who have played the game maybe 1 or 2 times who havent adjusted to the different mechanics the stage uses compared to the rest of the game, and immediately declare it the hardest thing in history. Or people that saw the AVGN video and simply paraphrase it, which seems to be the case here as this dude is obviously an AVGN fan (his Friday the 13th section is almost a verbatim copy of the AVGN video). I havent played the game in 20 years and I guarantee I could go back and finish that level without too many problems.
First off, if any comments are ever deleted, I have zero hand in it. As a matter of fact, if anyone from 411mania is reading this, please never delete ANY comments from my articles. I dont play that censorship business.
You know, a lot of people told me the dam level isnt a big deal. I looked at it again on youtube, and I swear I played a different level. I thought those damn electric weeds were all over that level. As a kid though, that level was a bitch.
As for your thinly veiled accusation that I ripped off the AVGN, no. First off, Im a big fan of James, and Cinnemassacre. Hes a guy I look up to. That said, I can honestly say with no hyperbole, that Ive never laughed at an AVGN video. Not once. I absolutely do not think James is funny. Hes at his best providing information, thats where he shines. To me, he isnt funny, so Id never steal his material. Also, how on Earth would people not notice from the jump, considering how popular he is? Id have to be pretty fucking stupid.
Either way, thanks for reading, brother.
Team J-Rod Friday the 13th is way more of a complex game then most give it credit forits all about patterns, certain events trigger the appearance of other weapons. I actually love it, because its so different than almost every other game on the NES. Honestly, I absolutely agree. It was a pretty deeply stacked game, and quite different, but at the same time it sucked. John Landing the plane during Top Gunand why did we all have that bloody game.
Oh man, was that a MOTHERFUCKER or what? I remember nothing about that game over than that, and being almost in tears trying to land that fucking plane. Why I cared, I dont know. I didnt like the game, I never saw the movie. That fucking thing.
Also, shout-outs to Ghost & Goblins and that bullshit ending, Tyson from Mike Tysons Punch Out, and Battletoads and that insane 2nd-player fiasco.
Alright, lets hit the main-event.
Before we get to the article, I just want to talk about how asinine TV/film censorship is in the first place. Back in the 30s, they cut a line from Frankenstein where the good Dr. says he knows what its like to be God. Back then, that was just too crazy. Then in the 80s, thanks to Regan, the way he shaped America, and things like the PMRC, horror films became one of the biggest catalyst for our youth to find themselves at the doorstep of debauchery & mayhem. So, the MPAA board hacked most horror films to absolute death. Then today youve got things passing for an R that could have had to be rated X back in the day. So, what this basically says is that censorship is pointless. We end up changing our minds in the future anyways, and deciding that this or that is no longer that bad. Mean while, pieces of art are being butchered by people who push their own thoughts & beliefs into things that they have no real concern for. The same goes for TV. In the 50s they couldnt use the word pregnant on I Love Lucy, but now shows in prime time can throw around goddamn & shit as much as they please. Things are going to constantly be pushed, and eventually accepted. Canadian TV is completely uncensored, and shockingly the country hasnt burnt down in the middle of the night. Another thing thats complete inane is how the top of a womans buttcrack has to be blurred out, yet we can show the rockin double D titties of some fat guy from the Biggest Loser. Whats more visually repugnant? A chicks ass, or a dudes massive, hairy nipple? I mean, after seeing something like that, I can barely jack-off that night. So, lets take a trip down memory lane as we learn about TVs crusade to save us, and some of its finest examples.
Goodfellas, Casino, The Departed When watching Casino, or Goodfellas on TV, its apparent that the greatest insult you can deal to one person is that the hope that they are forgotten. That theyre no longer remembered. Any time Pesci or DeNiro would get fired off, theyd spout off with a forget you!. Then, dare say that didnt hurt someones feelings, youd have to pull out both of your big-guns and fire off with a you motherlover!. Truly drawing gasps from everyone who was around to hear the personification of rage and verbal vitriol. But then again, their rage could come from the fact theyre all wearing bullskin. At least thats what I think theyre talking about, because just as often as theyre forgetting someone theyre talking about their bullshirt. To anyone who endorses this kind of censorship, I say go forget yourself.
The Big Lebowski Do you know what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass? If youve only seen The Big Lebowski on basic cable then you have no idea what the answer is. You do however know what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps. Thats right. Youre hiking up in the Alps, having the time of your life when you all of a sudden come across a stranger. You guys might strike up a convo, you may just pass by with a nod & a smile. Either way, hes going to absolutely bash the hell out of your neighbors car. Because thats what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps. Im dying to know how this all worked out. There had to be a couple of guys in the edit bay discussing it. Should we just cut out fuck?, What? Are you kidding me? You know how dumb thatll sound? No, were better than that. Were TNT. Were about quality & integrity. Man, having that job would be awesome. Youd be watching some Anne Hathaway film for a second, to get a look at her boobies, and youd wonder why on Earth her voice isnt matching her mouth, and why shes talking about some guy named Caliber Winfields dick. I seemed to get off track there. Anyway, in the film, Walter goes nuts on a man whom he believes is his target, and keeps yelling about what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass. But then again, now we know that if you fuck a stranger in the ass, or find a stranger in the alps, the inevitable consequences will be the same.
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Bulletproof We all know that for a man, theres nothing worse than being forced to sing & dance for another dude. In the underrated classic Bulletproof, Adam Sandler is a car thief named Archie Moses whos best friends with fellow thief Rock Keetz. Well, Archies been making some money on the side of their car stealing operation, and he decides to let Keetz in on it. So as Archie is having Keetz meet the big man, Colton, played by James Caan, hes told to search him because Colton doesnt trust him. Archie then makes a major proclamation that if Keetz is a cop, hell sing & dance. So, you can imagine Archie is praying Keetz isnt a cop, because who wants to get up and have to sing & dance? No self-respecting man, of course. Its a fate worse than death. Later, a big drug-trade goes wrong, and Colton blames Archie due to the fact Keetz was a cop. Well, its a little weird, because he mentions Archies promise regarding Keetz being a cop, and then has Archie get on his knees and tells him to enjoy his last meal. What? If you want a guy to sing & dance, you want him on his feet, and you dont want him sluggish from a big meal. So, you can see right there such foolishness. Later at the end of the film, Archie gets some payback on Colton for trying to make me sing & dance. Perfectly understandable. I mean, Ive heard of tons of guys in prison who damn near kill, or do in fact kill guys who have tried to make them sing & dance. Like I said, no male wants to do that. Hell, Id rather suck a dick.
Die Hard 2 In the pantheon of action films there are many facets that have to meet quality standards in order for it to bust someone right in the mush. On of them, is a rockin catchphrase. Our hero, John McClane, has one of the more well known & classic catchphrases. In Die Hard 2, its Christmas time again and John is chilling in an airport. He notices some no-good-knicks up to no good, or perhaps theyre not, whatever, because hes got the 12 days of Christmas forem. A 12 round clip, that is! Now, hes out to dispatch these baddies and pick up his wife because he has a rockin Die Hard-On. When youre as bad-ass as John McClane, you dont get boners. Because to get a boner, would imply that at one point you didnt have one. So, much like when your stupid girlfriend has people over and you want to watch G Is For Gianna in the living room, uninterrupted, what do you do to a plane full of terrorists? You blowem the hell up. So, as is customary in each case, before you deal the death blow you giveem the catchphrase. McClane gets all cocky and letsem have it. Yippie-Kai-Yay, Mr. Falcon! Who the hell is Mr. Falcon? Theres no Mr. Falcon on the terrorists plane manifest. I mean, theres nothing even close. How the HELL could they justify this? Im dying to know. Not to mention the guy who says Mr. Falcon isnt even close to sounding like Bruce Willis. Plus, it sounds like it was recorded with a motherfalcon sofa.
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Any questions, comments, drunk-ramblings, feel free to send them my way, I always dig hearing from you, the beautiful people. Twitter: @CaliberWinfield Instagram: @CaliberWinfield I post almost daily with workout related stuff to help you cats out, along with whats coming down the pike via the MME, and general pop culture from the 80s and 90s that I cant seem to let go of. Email:[emailprotected] If you just cant wait until next week, you can also find me at these fine places: The Man Movie Encyclopedia: The Hall of Burly Vol. 1 A collection of the first 19 MME articles written for 411. You get all the classics like Commando, Robocop, and Die Hard, not to mention bad-assery such as Point Break and They Live. Beyond that, you also get two new articles. My Top 5 favorite action movies, and what I believe to be the Top 5 most over-the-top scenes in action movie history. I wont lie, its the greatest self=help/martial arts instruction book of all time.
My Summer Vacation At Camp Crystal Lake My brand new ebook thats become so popular its charting on the album sales charts. I cover the Friday The 13th franchise in Man Movie Encyclopedia fashion, followed up by a few list-based articles, chronicling my favorite kills, moments from the franchise, and a few other subjects. $3 via amazon, or simply email me and get it for $2, either way, itll probably change your life. Caliber Winfield On The Facebook Anything new that I do you guys can find here. Last I checked I was at 54 likes, which is pretty fucking solid in my book. However, I saw Joe Lee and A Bloody Good Time were over 110. Cmon now, we cant let them beat us, can we?! Mercy Is For The Weak Podcast Along with my co-host, we cover everything from movies, music, TV, video games and pop-culture, to pro-wrestling, and all things burly. Were on hiatus at the moment, but theres a decent catalog to go through. All Things Caliber I merged my wrestling website into my long standing website thats been up for over 6 years. Anything under the sun, Ive written about it.
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The Man Movie Encyclopedia: 4 Instances Of Terrible TV Censorship - 411mania.com