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WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)Commenting on Donald Trumps first hundred days in office, Vice-President Mike Pence told Fox News on Sunday, To tell you the truth, I really thought Id be President by now.

When I agreed to run on the ticket with him, I said to myself, Mike, after hes been in the White House for a few weeks, hell be a total train wreck and youll be able to slide into the big-boy chair, Pence said. I never in a million years thought hed last a hundred days. My best guess was thirty.

The former Indiana governor said that, with such seemingly fatal missteps as Trumps failed health-care plan and travel bans, as well as any number of unhinged outbursts, It feels like Ive come close to getting in there maybe ten or twelve times. But close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades.

Calling the past hundred days the longest hundred days of my life, Pence said that he has no choice now but to sit and wait for my moment.

Im a man of faith, and I believe that the Lord has a plan for me, he said. But if another hundred days come and go and Im still not President, you are going to see one pissed-off Mike Pence.

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Pence Really Thought He'd Be President by Now - The New Yorker (satire)

Junior captains Max Waltzman and Matt Flaherty each had 17 kills and combined for eight blocks as Natick (6-3) won 3-1 over Braintree in a Bay State Conference match on Monday.

Junior captains Max Waltzman and Matt Flaherty each had 17 kills and combined for eight blocks as Natick (6-3) won 3-1 over Braintree in a Bay State Conference match on Monday.

Natick won by game scores of 25-21, 26-24, 25-27, 25-20.

Tyler Klein had six aces, Brett Olen had 25 assists, and Peter Thabit had 15 assists and five digs for the Redhawks.

FRAMINGHAM 3, NORWOOD 0: Matt Chin hit 11 kills and Framingham defeated Norwood by game scores of 25-11,25-12, 25-21 in a Bay State Conference match

Jack DiConza and Paul Galins each had nine kills for the defending state champion Flyers.

WELLESLEY 3, WEYMOUTH 0: Junior setter Dillon Hourican had 10 aces and 30 assists to lead Wellesley (8-1, 8-1 BSC) to a Bay State Conference win over Weymouth.

Senior outside hitter Griffin Walker had six kills, junior outside hitter added eight while senior outside hitter Evan Egger had five and senior Luke Stuntz added seven kills.

ALGONQUIN 3, LEOMINSTER 1: Senior John Arcona had 36 assists as Algonquin (8-0, 5-0 MW) remained undefeated with a Mid-Wach League win over Leominster.

Algonquin won by game scores of 25-18, 25-17, 23-25, 25-22.

Senior Dustin Hartnett had 11 kills and 10 blocks while senior Colin Galligan had 10 kills for the Tomahawks.

Usually were undefeated in Mid-Wach and lose one or two games out of league play, Algonquin coach Nick Bryant said. But we havent lost outside of league yet and were having a really good season.

MILLIS 3, ST. JOHNS (S) 0: Senior outside hitter Carter Burruss hit a team-leading 11 kills and added two blocks and unbeaten Millis (9-0, 8-0 WAC) beat St. Johns of Shrewsbury in a Western Alliance Conference match by game scores of 25-11, 25-14, 25-22.

Senior outside hitter Adam Caretta had four kills, freshman middle hitter Evan Simmons had three kills, and setter Bo Calais had 27 assists and an ace for the Mohawks.

Millis plays at Wachusett in a non-league match on Tuesday.

MILFORD 3, MEDFIELD 1: Sophomore Joao Boaventura had 15 kills, 11 digs, four aces and one block to lead Milford (6-6, 5-3 WAC) past Medfield in a Western Alliance Conference match.

The Scarlet Hawks won by game scores of 25-17, 20-25, 25-16, 25-19.

Sophomore Zach Browne had seven kills and three blocks, and senior captains Jack Winship (nine kills, five aces, six digs) and Danny Zwonik (33 assists, two blocks, one ace) contributed to the win.

Milford travels to play St. Johns (Shrewsbury) on Wednesday.

WORCESTER TECH 3, KEEFE TECH 1: Senior Antonio Alvarez had seven assists and four kills for Keefe Tech (3-6, 2-4 CAL) in a Colonial Athletic League loss to visiting Keefe Tech.

Worcester Tech won by game scores of 25-22, 26-28, 25-18, 25-15.

Sophomore Angel Brizuela had four kills and a block for the Broncos.

Keefe Tech plays at Monty Tech Wednesday in a CAL match.

ASSABET 3, MONTY TECH 0: Junior outside hitter Jared Rego tallied 10 kills, three assists, two blocks, and two aces, as host Assabet (5-3, 5-1) swept Colonial Athletic League foe Monty Tech by scores of 25-12, 25-23, 25-23.

Junior outside hitter Eduardo Prudencio notched eight kills and two blocks, and freshman setter Danny Paive tallied nine assists, two blocks, and two aces for the Aztecs in the win.

Assabet is at Nipmuc on Tuesday for a 4 p.m. start.

Golf

WELLESLEY 6, URSULINE ACADEMY 0: Seniors Malina Rufo, Caroline Lane and Ciara James all won in match play to lead Wellesley (5-0, 5-0 Mass Bay League) past Ursuline Academy in a league match at Wellesley Country Club.

Rufo shot a 41, Lane shot a 42 and James shot a 45 to lead the way for the Raiders.

Wellesley plays at Brookline on Wednesday.

Boys Track

TRI-COUNTY 92, BRISTOL PLYMOUTH 44; SOUTHEASTERN 83.5, TRI-COUNTY 52.5: Junior Johnny O'Sullivan set a personal record in the mile (5:20) and classmate Zach Spencer did so in the discus (91-7) to lead Tri-County (4-2, 4-2 Mayflower) in a Mayflower League double meet in which the Cougars fell to Bristol Plymouth but defeated Southeastern.

Tri-County travels to West Bridgewater on Thursday at 3:30 p.m.

Girls Track

TRI-COUNTY 84, BRISTOL PLYMOUTH 52; SOUTHEASTERN 71, TRI-COUNTY 65: Juniors Amanda Merigo (2:39), Samantha Kaplan (2:49), and Alana Kessler (2:52) finished first, second and third in the 800 meters to lead Tri-County (5-1, 5-1 Mayflower) in a Mayflower League double meet in which the Cougars defeated Bristol Plymouth but lost to Southeastern.

Tri-County travels to West Bridgewater on Thursday at 3:30 p.m.

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Schools: Natick volleyball soars over Braintree - MetroWest Daily News

Senior Zach Skowronek had four goals and an assist to lead Algonquin (4-5) to a 9-8 win over Westfield in a non-league game on Tuesday.

Senior Zach Skowronek had four goals and an assist to lead Algonquin (4-5) to a 9-8 win over Westfield in a non-league game on Tuesday.

Matt Cannon added three goals and an assist while sophomore Jonah Whitt made 18 saves in net as Algonquin held a 5-1 halftime lead and then hung on for the victory.

It was a huge win, Algonquin coach Matt Nofsinger said. We went into it with a playoff mentality, that it was a must-win for us, and the kids responded and stepped up to the challenge.

Westfield, I feel, is one of the top Western Mass. teams. It was a double-overtime win (we had over them) last year and we knew it was going to be a tough game and it was but we were able to hold them off.

After the Tomahawks held a 7-4 lead over Acton-Boxborough on Sunday and lost 12-8, Algonquin was happy to not see leads in two straight games slip away.

We just had to continue to play a full 48 minutes and string it all together, Nofsinger said. But we still have a lot of work to do.

Algonquin travels to Shrewsbury Thursday for a 4 p.m. start.

MARLBOROUGH 12, LUNENBURG 4: Tyler Adkins scored three goals and added an assist as Marlborough (4-4) defeated Lunenburg.

Dominic Carter added a goal and five assists and Dan Hayward scored two goals.

Evan Doherty added two goals and an assist.

NATICK 12, BROOKLINE 2: Freshman Isaac Tolino had three goals as Natick (7-2, 4-2 BSC) defeated Bay State Conference opponent Brookline.

Senior Colin Montgomery had three goals and one assists while classmate Billy Tinney tallied two goals and one assist for the Redhawks.

Natick plays at Braintree on Thursday (4 p.m.).

FRAMINGHAM 16, NORWOOD 5: Junior James Ross tallied two goals and five assists to lead Framingham (6-4, 3-2 BSC) to victory over Bay State Conference foe Norwood.

Junior Joe McHugh scored four goals and senior Owen Parker notched two goals and two assists in the win.

Framingham travels to Walpole on Thursday at 4 p.m.

WELLESLEY 17, BRAINTREE 3: Mike Bomes and Chris Aitken tallied four goal apiece for the Raiders as Wellesley (7-3, 5-1 BSC) cruised past Braintree in a Bay State Conference matchup.

The Raiders led 7-0 after one and 13-1 at halftime.

Just a terrific start for the Raiders today, Wellesley coach Rocky Batty said. Grant Chryssicas and Kiras Persky went undefeated on faceoffs, and that led to lots of offense. Honestly, we just shot really well. Period.

Brennan Conroy added three goals and an assist for the Raiders while Joe Flaherty and Bobby Leonhardt played well on defense.

Wellesley hosts Newton North on Thursday at 4 p.m.

HOPKINTON 19, BELLINGHAM 1: Dylan McBride scored three goals and Kierin Herr had a goal and two assists as Hopkinton (8-2, 4-2 TVL) romped past visiting Bellingham (0-10) in a Tri-Valley League meet.

Matt Lawrence scored twice, goalie Corey Bannon made six saves, and Ryan Kelleher scored his first varsity goal for the Hillers, who led 17-1 at the half.

Hopkinton hosts Ashland Friday in a TVL game.

HOPEDALE 16, NORTHBRIDGE 8: Junior Jake Wollensak tallied eight goals, two assists, and 11 face-off wins to lead Hopedale (9-1, 4-1 MMC) to victory over Mid-Mass Conference rival Northbridge.

Senior J.D. Waswill scored three goals and freshman Blake Moxim added two goals in the win.

Hopedale junior goalie Dan Hollis made 21 saves to help secure the win.

Hopedale plays Valley Tech in an MMC battle on Thursday at 4 p.m.

WAYLAND 14, CAMBRIDGE R&L 3: Junior Ben Travis had four goals and two assists as Wayland (7-2, 1-0 DCL) rolled in a Dual County League victory over Cambridge Rindge & Latin.

Wayland led 6-0 after one quarter and 9-0 at the half.

Sophomore Michael Lampert had two goals and four assists for the Warriors.

Wayland plays at Acton-Boxborough on Thursday at 4 p.m.

VALLEY TECH 9, AUBURN 2: Senior Stefan Sadlon scored three goals to lead Valley Tech (7-2) to victory over Auburn in a non-league game.

Junior Reece Hendriks tallied four assists while classmate Chris Lonergan added two goals and one assist for the Beavers.

Junior Connor Polymeros scored two goals in the win.

Valley Tech travels to play Hopedale on Thursday at 3:30 p.m.

It will be a tough game, Valley Tech coach Andrew Barksdale said of Thursdays contest. But if we stick to out game we should be fine.

WESTWOOD 15, HOLLISTON 5: Senior Mike Alibrandi scored two goals and added an assist as Holliston (3-8, 1-6 TVL) fell to Westwood in a Tri-Valley League contest.

Freshman Seth Bello came off the bench and had a goal and two assists for the Panthers.

Junior Will Celorier made 18 saves in net for Holliston.

The Panthers host Ashland on Monday.

Read more:
Boys Lacrosse: Algonquin holds on against Westfield - Milford Daily News

At an annual gathering of the world's most powerful thinkers and trendsetters in Beverly Hills this week, business leaders and major investors said they have gotten used to dismissing most things that President Donald Trump says or tweets .

On panels at the Milken Institute Global Conference, CEOs and billionaires were generally enthusiastic about Trump's mission to reform health care, cut taxes, reduce regulations, and stimulate the economy. Panelists including JPMorgan Chase & Co CEO Jamie Dimon and hedge fund billionaire Ken Griffin offered positive remarks about the president and urged attendees to give him more time to accomplish such sizeable goals.

But in interviews on the sidelines, the Wall Street set was far more dubious that Trump can get anything done.

"I don't take Trump seriously," said a senior executive at one of the country's six largest banks. "I'm listening less and less."

Like most who wanted to share their more candid views privately, the executive spoke on the condition of anonymity to avoid angering the president, his employer or business associates. But his comments were echoed by at least a dozen institutional investors and bank executives who spoke to Reuters.

While they remain hopeful Trump will be able to get reforms through Congress , the lack of progress combined with conflicting messages coming out of the administration make it hard to put faith in anything, they said.

Several cited comments on Monday from Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin, who joked on a panel that bank investors should thank him for boosting share prices. Hours later, Bloomberg News published an interview with Trump, in which said he was considering breaking up the country's biggest banks an idea that is an anathema to shareholders of lenders like JPMorgan, Bank of America Corp or Citigroup Inc.

However, few people at the event in the Beverly Hilton Hotel appeared to take the comment seriously.

"Until it's signed into law, you can't bank on it," said Aaron Cutler, a regulatory lawyer at Hogan Lovells who lobbies Congress on behalf of banks and hedge funds and was milling about on a sunny terrace. He said his clients are not yet acting on anything the administration says.

A report last week by PwC's financial services regulatory practice echoed that view. Despite Trump's talk of quick action, PwC predicts his executive orders will "yield few results," that plans to repeal a package of financial regulations called Dodd-Frank will not happen, and that any change in Washington will be slow due to a lack of consensus, a slothy appointments process and upcoming midterm elections.

A spokeswoman for Trump did not return a request for comment for this article by publication time.

Even as Wall Street honchos privately disregard the administration's mixed messages, they were rubbing shoulders with top White House officials around the event and afterwards at swanky parties. Among the guests at one evening soire was a cheetah from the San Diego Zoo.

In addition to Mnuchin, Commerce Secretary Wilbur Ross, Transportation Secretary Elaine Chao and Education Secretary Betsy DeVos were all featured speakers at the Milken conference. Each has a background in business or finance, something other conference-goers found encouraging.

Ultimately, some said, they have to consider whether Trump is making a statement to win political points or because he truly wants to accomplish a goal. If the former, his remarks can be more easily dismissed, they said. The head of a multi-billion-dollar hedge fund firm said the situation has become "a Rorschach test" where people celebrate or shrug off Trump's comments depending on what they want to see.

Sir Michael Hintze, founder of $12.5 billion investment firm CQS, said people are being too hard on the president. Trump may have a different style because he is not a politician by nature, but has his heart in the right place, Hintze said.

"I'm pretty constructive about the whole thing," he said. "Everyone was there to hate him, (but) Trump's a decent man."

The rest is here:
Why Wall Street Has Stopped Listening to Donald Trump - Fortune

"The reason for the plan negotiated between the Republicans and Democrats is that we need 60 votes in the Senate which are not there! We ... either elect more Republican Senators in 2018 or change the rules now to 51%. Our country needs a good 'shutdown' in September to fix mess!" Trump said Tuesday in two consecutive tweets.

Congressional leaders announced Sunday that they'd reached a deal to avert a government shutdown until September. The deal did not include several Trump campaign promises -- including money for a border wall -- in part because GOP leaders needed Democratic votes to pass the deal in the Senate.

Office of Management and Budget director Mick Mulvaney on Tuesday took to the White House briefing room to slam Democrats' claims of victory in the budget deal, arguing that Trump secured a large increase in defense spending and pushed border wall funding to its highest level in a decade.

Mulvaney also responded to Trump's tweet Tuesday morning about a potential September shutdown.

"A shutdown is not a goal," Mulvaney said, but rather a "negotiating tool to an extent."

He added a shutdown would show American voters that Washington "really was as broken as they thought it was when they voted for (Trump) for president."

The President's suggestion that we "change the rules now to 51%" is a variation of the so-called "nuclear option" that Republicans deployed during the Gorsuch Supreme Court fight -- when they lowered the number of votes needed to break a filibuster of a judicial nominee. In this case, Trump is proposing a rule change that would also lower the number of votes needed to break a legislative filibuster, something Republicans left untouched when they changed Senate rules for Gorsuch.

While Republicans do have majorities in both the House and Senate, their 52-seat Senate majority is too thin to break a filibuster unless eight Democrats side with the GOP.

A CNN/ORC poll from March found that 72% of Americans want to see Trump to reach bipartisan compromises rather than try to pass laws he thinks are right for the country, even if they aren't supported by Democrats. That includes a majority of Republicans (57%) who said Trump ought to be compromising with Democrats.

And that cuts both ways -- in the same poll, 69% said Democrats ought to be trying to compromise with Trump and not just resist the president's agenda.

CNN's Jennifer Agiesta contributed to this report.

Read more:
Donald Trump: Our country needs a good 'shutdown,' suggests Senate rule change - CNN